The Hardest Choice
by sez-princess
Summary: Just a short story; Edward is in love with his best friend Bella & Bella wants to loose her virginity to best friend Edward before they graduate. Complete with Epilogue.
1. Proposition

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**A/N**: I rewrote this chapter several times because I really want this to be a good story. I'm just letting you know it's not going to be as long as Learning to Fall and it's a fair bit different, but I hope you guys will like it. Thanks for clicking and giving it a go. Please read, review and let me know if you think I should continue :)

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The sun is always too bright on a Monday and the days always start too early and go on too long and the weekend is too far away. School sucks on a Monday as well but despite this, I'm headed to pick Bella up and then we'll be heading to the hell that is known as Forks High School. Thank god we're seniors – and only three months away from graduating might I add.

"Hey Cullen, you're late," Bella teases as she jumps into the passenger seat of my Volvo. She looks fucking great considering I know she's hungover and was most likely up all night doing god know what with her fuckhead boyfriend, Jacob. She always looks great though. Well, to me anyway. "Someone looks sour today."

"Swan," I hiss, "I just can't be fucked today. Let's ditch."

"No, Edward!" She protests. "Three more months then we'll be done with it all."

"Well, for you. Only because you're my best friend." _And I'm in love with you_.

Yep. I'm in love with my best friend. My _taken_ best friend. I first realised it last year when we were juniors and went to our prom together. I had an excuse to hold Bella in my arms all night and it seemed so right and she looked so beautiful and smelt so good that I saw her as a woman and not as my tomboy best friend. Sure, I knew I loved her, but that's the night I for certain knew it was in more than a friend-ly way. It's definitely fucked.

When we pull up in the parking lot, I park in between Jasper's beat up shit box and Emmett's jeep, then stroll into Forks High with my arm thrown around Bella's shoulder. James saunters over to us to greet us, Victoria by his side. Rosalie and Alice, my sister, pull up in Alice's porsche and now our little circle is complete. I know it's an egotistical thing to say, but the eight of us rule this school. We throw the best parties and get into all kinds of shit, but the important thing is – we never get caught.

Everyone is paired off with us – Alice with Jasper, who's my best bud. Initially I wasn't so supportive of him getting with my sister, but he treats her right so I've shut up. Emmett is with Rosalie, who's also Jasper's sister and then James and Vicky are together. It would seem like the natural thing for Bella and I to be together, except that she has a tendency to date assholes and I seem to be putting my dick wherever these days.

"Naughty shortarse," James says then pokes Bella in the arm.

"Shut up James!" Bella growls.

"Oh, No! Eddie doesn't know?" He chuckles, while the rest of us, bar Victoria, exchange confused looks. Clearly, I'm not the only one who doesn't know.

"Well I guess you screwed that up," Bella hisses, then frees herself from my hold and walks down the halls just as the bell is ringing. _What the hell was all that about?_

"What the fuck has she done now?" I question, but James shrugs and walks off with Victoria. _Dick_.

In Bio, I decide to confront her. She's already sitting at our regular table, her head in her hands. She looks sad, not positive like she did this morning when I picked her up. I move down the aisle and silently take my usual seat beside her. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," she whispers. "I was fine until....it just doesn't matter, okay?"

"Why can't you tell me? Of all people, we tell eachother everything."

"It doesn't matter. It has no bearing on our friendship so it doesn't matter."

"If you're keeping things from me, then of course it has an affect on our friendship," I argue.

"Look...I just....Jacob. I slept with Jacob," she confesses, then hangs her head. "I know you hate him and I didn't want you to be mad at me." Bella is no longer a virgin. That fuckhead took it from her. A lot of people seem to think Bella is a slut, but really she's not. She told me she wouldn't ever sleep with a guy unless she loved him – her and I are somewhat different in that aspect of our lives.

She doesn't love this Jacob guy. She can't. She's too good for him and his Quileute ass.

"You...you love this guy?"

She doesn't look at me, she merely nods and then turns to face the front of the classroom. It's my worst nightmare confirmed. Sure, I sleep around but never have I ever felt any kind of emotion for the people I sleep with. None of them are Bella, but i'll keep trying. Maybe one day, one of them will turn out to be okay and I can get on with my life. I don't want to love Bella Swan, but I do and right now i'm hurting like I've literally been stabbed in the back.

"Is that why you seemed happy this morning?"

She hesitates, then whispers "yes, Edward." Something still seems wrong, she certainly doesn't seem happy now. Maybe she's one of those people who gets all angry post-coital. Or maybe that son of a bitch hurt her. I clench my fists and I swear to god - "Edward, stop fuming. I'm fine. I know you're getting angry," Bella says, interrupting my thoughts. "He didn't hurt me, no more than can be helped."

"You seemed sad or pissed off," I comment.

"I am. It's my personal business and James fucked it up."

"Why does he even know to begin with?"

"Just fucking drop it Cullen," Bella snarls and gathers her books, then storms out of the classroom door just as the bell rings. I pack my shit up then run out after her, calling her name but i'm stopped when I run into a short blonde and her things go flying. I bend down to help her pick them up when I realise it's Tanya Denali aka Junior year, back seat of the Volvo.

"Hey, Edward," she says and gives me an enthusiastic smile. Bella's now out of sight so I decide i'm not going to bother. I'm the one who should be mad – not her.

"Tanya," I nod. "Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Chasing Bella? I think she went into the girls toilets. I can get her if you'd like."

"No matter, she's being a bitch. Hey, want to come for a drive?" I ask and then give her a charming smile. She accepts my invitation, just as I expect and before I know it, I'm back in the Volvo and she has my dick in her mouth. Normally, I wouldn't be up for more than one encounter but fuck it – I'm going to try harder to get Swan out of my system. I need to, especially if she's going to be going to Dartmouth like me. Can't still be pining over her in college.

So the plan is: Fall out of love with Bella before graduation. I like the sound of that. No more of this stupid shit. Besides, I'm Edward Cullen. I don't do relationships or love or any of that stupid, pointless less stuff. Bella isn't screwing that up for me.

Tanya finishes up, even takes my cum in her mouth like a nice girl, then she sits up beside me and I can't even think about what i'm meant to do now, i'm too caught up in my plan. "Um, thanks," I mumble, just to say something because Tanya's looking at me expectantly. I feel kind of bad for her, especially because she never tried to get me to take her on dates or anything like that. She's just given me what I want, when I want.

"You seem a bit lost," Tanya says.

"You just give good head," I say and it isn't a lie, except for the fact that that's not why i'm lost. She seems to find that quite complimenting and leans back into the seat, becoming more comfortable. Maybe she can help me through all this stuff. She could be a good distraction. "We probably should get back," I say and we get out of the Volvo after we've made ourselves look presentable, then walk back into the school.

I have history with Bella so I take off down the hall, while Tanya goes the opposite direction. Bella's already in the classroom and I sit beside her and decide to pretend she's not there. If she wants to stop being a bitch, then she can make the first move. She gives me a determined look and I can tell she's going to talk to me or do something.

She tosses me a piece of paper and I open it and it reads _Edward, I'm sorry. Let's talk after school._

I scroll down _Meet me at my car after last period_, toss the note back to Bella and ignore her for the rest of the lesson. Just remember the plan Cullen: Fall out of love with Bella. Easier said than done.

She's already waiting at my car at the conclusion of the school day and she's leaning against it. It's a warm day for once so she's basking in the sun and she looks at ease. I walk over and she can hear my footsteps so she slowly opens her eyes and turns to face me, offering an apologetic look. I give her her favourite smile, the one she calls 'crooked' and unlock the car.

"So you disappeared today," Bella prods.

"Yep," I reply smugly.

"Why do you do it? I mean go and do whatever with whoever?"

"You've known me for how long and now you're questioning my morals?" It wasn't very Bella to go around asking stuff like that. She makes jokes about me, calls me a manwhore, but never tries to get into my 'psyche' so to speak.

"I just want to know."

"I like sex," I answer simply.

"It's nothing more than that?"

"Nope," I answer, popping the p. "I can't seem to forge relationships with girls, it just seems stupid to me."

Bella sighs at my admission then starts fidgeting with her seat belt. Like i'd really tell her I was trying to fuck away my love for her. "Why?"

"It doesn't matter," she sighs.

"Okay, go ahead and be cryptic. That'll work wonders for keeping me nice and friendly."

Bella groans, then speaks again. "I didn't have sex with Jacob."

"What?" I question and I'm so surprised I nearly swerve the Volvo off the road. "Why the hell would you lie about something like that?"

"It's hard to explain," Bella complains as we pull into my drive way. We walk to my front door together, where we're greeted by Esme.

"Bella, sweetheart. Lovely to see you," she says.

"You too, Mrs Cullen."

"Edward dear, where is your sister? It seems like I hardly see her around here anymore."

"She's at Jaspers," I answer. "I think she's staying for dinner."

"Oh well I do wish she'd tell me these things. Your father doesn't have to take up that shift tonight so he'll be home for dinner for once. I would've liked the whole family to be here, but nevermind. Bella you'll be staying for dinner, won't you?"

"Uh, sure," Bella answers, then Esme excuses herself to the kitchen and Bella and I head upstairs to the third floor where my bedroom is located. The bedroom where the only females who have been in it are Bella, Alice and my mother. I like to keep it sacred so I don't bring all my sexual partners here. It would turn it into a place I loathe rather than love and find solace in.

Bella plonks herself down on the middle of my king-sized bed and I sit down on the edge of it and wait for her to speak again, but curiosity gets the better of me.

"Why'd you lie about it?"

"James kept giving me shit," Bella admits.

"About being a virgin?"

"Well yes...no. Sort of. Can we just talk about that whole thing another time?"

"Sure," I say. James is a jackass sometimes, i'm sure it's nothing of consequence, just trying to stir Bella up. "So do you...I mean...want to have sex with Jacob?"

"No. We broke up. I don't love him and I kept trying to make myself love him but I think i'm just void of that emotion," she sighs.

"Are you okay?" I ask, but I'm dancing around inside because she broke up with the La Push Loser, as I fondly refer to him.

"Yes."

"Okay. Good. Does the questioning me about my sex life have something to do with this?"

"Well, I guess you could say that." She's obviously avoiding what she really thinks or wants to say and it's starting to really piss me off.

"Oh come on, Bella! Just tell me what you want," I groan.

"Well it's just stupid. I mean it's the most stupid thing ever, but then again it seems like the most logical because you're the only person I can trust and I don't want to trust anyone else with it but then it might ruin our friendship and then where would I be?"

"That makes no sense," I say.

"Edward, it's too embarassing."

"Bells, when has anything ever been to embaressing with us?"

"You'll say no and then everything will be ruined," Bella cries.

"When do I ever say no to you?" I question and then Bella takes a deep breath.

"Edward...I want you to....I want to....I want my first time to be with you."

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**A/N**: So should I continue writing this story? Please let me know if it's any good.


	2. Answer

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**Previously**: Edward: Plan win Bella Swan's heart is now in place, because I can't _not_ have her. Not now.

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"Bella...that's insane," I murmer. "I mean...we.....that's..."

"Spit it out," Bella prompts.

"I just don't think it's a good idea," I say and she looks insulted.

"Why do you say that?"

"I thought it was a big deal to you. I thought you wanted to be in love and for it to be special."

"Edward, I don't want to go to college and then end up doing it with someone who means nothing to me. You've been my best friend for practically my whole life and i'll always care about you and i'm sure our lives will always be connected in one way or another. That's why I was smiling this morning, because I saw you and I....I know you won't wind up hurting me," Bella reasons.

"I've been with a lot of girls though -" I begin.

"I know but that means you're experienced, you'll know what to do and how to do it," Bella interrupts and I try to interrupt back, but Bella cuts me off. "We love eachother...even if it's only a platonic love, we still love one another. That's enough for me." _Well so much for the falling out of love with Bella plan_. "Unless you don't want to. I know you don't think i'm beautiful or anything, but would it really be so difficult?"

"You think I don't think you're beautiful?" I question. Is she stupid?

"Well, you just see me as your friend and the girl you grew up with...."

"I still think you're beautiful though," I admit.

"You don't have to say that just because we're going to sleep together."

"You really want to?" I question. "You can't take something like that back, Bell."

"Yes, Edward. I wouldn't want anyone else to have this part of me."

"Um....I don't know..." I mumble, but Esme's calling up to us and for i'm thankful to get away from this confronting, wanting side of Bella. What the hell am I supposed to do, or say for that matter?

"Bella....Edward, dinner's ready!"

We walk downstairs and take our seats at the dining table, at which my father is already seated. Esme is fussing around with the food and she places several large dishes in the centre of the table, before taking her own seat at the opposing end of the table to my father so both of them are at the heads.

"Bella, Edward," Carlisle greets us.

"Hello, Dr Cullen," Bella smiles. She's better at this pretending-everything's-okay stuff than I am, because all I can think about is Bella and I rolling around in my sheets naked. Her milky thighs, her soft pink lips.....

"How are you Bella? You haven't had dinner with us for a while," Carlisle says, taking me out of my thoughts.

"I'm very well, sir." Bella is always so formal with my parents, but she needn't be. They fucking love her like their own daughter. "Yes, I guess we've all been busy. How is the hospital?"

"Much the same," my father answers. He's a surgeon at Forks's small hospital. My dad is all about the people and humanity and all shit like that. I'd be lying if I said I didn't idolise him, though. He's without a doubt the most sincere selfless person I know, with the exception of my mother. They may not be my biological parents, but that doesn't matter.

"How was school today?" Esme asks.

"Great," Bella lies.

"Yeah," I breathe. "Really great."

"And you're going to Dartmouth as well?" Carlisle asks Bella.

"I really want to. I'd love to but I guess it's just not that simple." It is for me, thank you Daddy donations.

"Oh you needn't worry, Bella. I'm sure you'll get in no problems." And some help from the good doctor can't hurt either, right?

"I think it would be lovely if you and Edward were able to go to college together," Esme comments. "It would be good for you two to support one another. You could get an apartment together."

"Yeah, great," I sigh.

The conversation continues in this annoying manner for the rest of dinner. Bella pretending to be all sweet and innocent and acting as if she isn't trying to seduce me. Not than I mind being seduced by Bella, I just keep thinking of how much it'll fuck me up, being so close to Bella. I'm sure that to me it'd be something different than it'll be to her. I don't think I have the strength to say no, though. Even though it is essentially putting myself through unneccesary hell, even though Bella may never feel that way about, i'll get to hold her close and be connected to her in a way no one else has ever been before.

So i'm sitting here and I know for all the things i'm thinking about the bad possibilities, I'll find some retort because i'm selfish and want to be close to her. I'll give myself some reasoning to convince myself it's the right thing to do. Maybe it would be the right thing to do under different circumstances, say if it really were nothing more than something of friendship. Maybe deep down I want her to know i'm in love with her.

When dinner's finished, Bella and I help clean up and then head back upstairs to my room. Bella's quiet, thoughtful as she stares around my room, then finally lies back on my bed. I lie down beside her, not touching her and then finally she speaks.

"Please, Edward?"

"Okay," I say simply. "Alright."

"Well, um, now?"

"You mean....now?" I gulp.

"You don't want to?"

"Not now, Bella. This isn't special," I say. Of course, I want it to be completely perfect for her. I want candles and cliched romance and no parents nearby and not just randomly.

"When?" She presses. I think about it for a while, then the perfect time crosses my mind.

"Um...how about...after graduation we can.....we can get a hotel room?" I offer.

"I like the sound of that, not as cliched as after prom," Bella says softly and I can tell she's trying to make a joke, but it doesn't work. She turns around to face me and I know I can't look away so I look into her deep, brown eyes and she makes no move to look away. The breeze from an open window ruffles her hair and to an outsider, I'm sure we'd look like lovers. "I'm sorry if you feel awkward," Bella whispers as she twists a few strands of her hair around her finger.

"It's fine," I murmer. "We're still Bella and Edward and nothing has to change about that."

"Yeah."

"Hey, why'd you and Jacob break up?"

"I don't think I can tell you right now. Especially not now, actually," Bella says.

"Why? Does this have something to do with James?"

"I guess you could say that. Edward, I'll tell you someday. It's just a little...embarassing."

I say okay and don't push her because I'm scared she will decide she doesn't want me to take her virginity afterall. Now that i've accepted her offer, I can imagine myself getting greedy and obsessive. I shudder away the thought and when I open my eyes, Bella is staring right into them.

"I should take you home," I say and we rise from the bed, then head downstairs. Bella says goodbye to my parents, who tell her to come back soon and then we walk out into the garage. A silence overcomes us on the ride over to Bella's place, but it isn't awkward. It seems...thoughtful, like in my room.

Bella goes to get out of my car but I tell her to wait, then I run around to her side and open her door for her. She laughs at my gesture, then as she turns to walk towards her front door, I pull her into a hug, the rain falling down around us. She secures her arm around my waist and I whisper that everything will be okay. The police chief, aka, her dad, peers out the window and so Bella pulls away from me.

"Goodbye, thank you," she whispers, then she heads inside and I stand in the rain until I see her appear at her bedroom window, waving down.

When I drive home, Esme and Carlisle are sitting in the family room, both with books in their laps and their heads bowed. When they hear me come in, they both look up and I'm sure my facial expression gives off the vibe that something isn't right because they both give me concerned looks.

"Are you alright? You seemed funny at dinner..." Esme begins but I cut her off.

"It's fine. Is Alice home yet?"

"Yes she's in -" I don't stay to hear the rest, instead I bound upstairs to Alice's bedroom and bang impatiently on the door.

"Alice!"

Alice opens her door, wearing her fluffy pink bathrobe, looking thoroughly confused. I push past her into her overly pink bedroom and sit down on the edge of her bed. She looks at me expectantly, her short, normally spikey hair, smoothed down and still wet from her shower.

"Alice, I need your help," I sigh.

"What is it?" She asks, tapping her pink-slipper covered foot impatiently on her plush carpet floor.

"Bella," I say and Alice sighs like that explains it all and takes a seat beside me.

Alice knows my internal battle with Bella well – ever since she called me out on it at the start of the school year. Apparently sometimes I don't look at Bella in the normal best friends way. Although she says it's because she's my sister and she lives with me so she can better analyse me, i've always feared other people will pick up on it but Alice assures me they won't. How Bella feels about me is unfortunately as much a mystery to Alice as it is to me. "Bella is guarded with her emotions, very hard to read," Alice always says.

"What's going on?" Alice asks.

"Well you know how i've been trying to just, forget her...as more than a friend?"

"Stupid idea, but yes?"

"Well.... today she asked me to...god Al you're my sister, I can't tell you this," I complain.

"We're not blood-related," she reminds me. "So just tell me. I promise not to be grossed out."

"She wants to lose her virginity....to me," I say, then I explain all about James and Jacob and of course Alice won't say anything. Her and Bella are very close, but she knows how touchy I am about Bella. Alice sits and takes in everything I tell her then I can see her face contort into different expressions, as if she's calculating the answer in her head.

"Well you're certainly in a bit of a pickle," Alice teases. "What to do...hmm?"

"Come Al, i'm frustrated enough without you having a go too."

"Fine. It's quite simple, really."

"How is anything simple?" I question and now i'm really annoyed with Alice and wishing I just kept my mouth shut instead of venting. Okay maybe that isn't true, Alice usually does have good ideas and advice.

"You get Bella to fall in love with you before graduation. Simple."

"If it were that simple, don't you think I would've done that already?"

"Well you haven't exactly tried. You're too busy whoring yourself out and Bella is usually with a boy but seeing as she's not with Jacob anymore...."

"Al, I can't make her fall in love with me," I interrupt.

"Sure you can. Besides, maybe I can get her to just admit she already loves you," Alice says.

"But she _doesn't_ already love me. You said you couldn't tell and I quite doubt she does anyway. She's always going on about how we're best friends and how she loves me platonically and all that crap," I complain. "Why would she ever want me in that way?"

"She is probably just trying to cling to you in a way she knows is safe. If she does feel something else for you, she's probably scared of ruining your friendship, just like you are. I think maybe you should just take a risk with her, otherwise you're going to spend your whole life wondering what could've been. Bella's not as forward as you are. If one of you is going to admit to your feelings, you're the one who is more likely to do that."

I process that in my head for a few minutes, while Alice watches me, that calculating look still on her face.

"What if she doesn't feel the same way?"

"She asked you to have sex with her, Edward. I'm sure she feels something, whether she realises it or not," Alice points out. "If she...umm...._enjoys_ your sexual relations, then that will add a physical component to your relationship so it can't keep being platonic."

"What about the whole...virginity thing? What do I do?"

"Well, I think you should tell her how you feel before you do it. That's just my opinion," Alice advises and then I decide to go back to my room so I can think by myself. I lie down on my bed and the pillows smell like Bella – her natural freesia scent and her strawberry shampoo. I'm in way over my head.

I dream of Bella all night, but none of it makes sense. She just floats in and out of my mind, like she untouchable and I'll never catch her.

The next day, I pick Bella up for school as usual and she's positively beaming when she gets in the car. If I didn't know better, i'd say it was some kind of post-coital glow. She winds the window down and smiles into the sun and the breeze then turns and faces me. How could I ever make someone as beautiful as her, fall in love with me?

"Bella?" I murmer, breaking her out of her daze.

"Mhm."

"I was thinking about last night...and just if you're sure then I wanted to know where you want to stay for the night?" I ask.

"It doesn't bother me," she says, turning towards me and smiling. "What about prom?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you still want us to go to Prom together? It's only four weeks away now and I mean I know we've always said we'd go together but I don't want you to feel inclined to take me just because you've agreed to sle-"

"Of course I want to go with you still," I intercept.

"Good. Just checking."

"And you still want the post-graduation...erm...festivities?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Good. Just checking," I say, using her previous words.

"I guess we've got a lot to look forward to, then," Bella teases as she hops out of my car and walks into the grounds of the school, not bothering to wait for me.

Plan win Bella Swan's heart is now in place, because I can't _not_ have her. Not now.


	3. Masochist

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**Previously**: Edward: Plan win Bella Swan's heart is now in place, because I can't _not_ have her. Not now.

**A/N**: I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. I hope you guys find it okay. I'm nervous about nailing Edward and Bella's interactions with one another. My best friend is a guy, but i'm not in love with him so I can't really relate to this Edward. I hope that the emotions are convinicingly conveyed. Wow, trying saying that ten times fast. Also...you may have noticed, i've decided to give the chapters actual names!

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**MASOCHIST**

The school day moves along quickly because all I'm thinking about is Bella and imagining all the different ways in which I can love her and tell her I love her and make love to her and all the ways I can make her feel and make myself feel and it's all so overwhelming that Alice has to snap me out of my self-induced state of crazy several times during the day.

Tanya approaches me and i'm an asshole to her. I don't want to think about her and I admit, I feel bad about being mean to her but I can't focus with her in my face and offering to suck my dick to make me feel better. Jasper is sitting next to me at our usual table in the cafeteria, telling Alice he loves her. It makes me sick. That guy is whipped like you wouldn't believe. Rosalie and Emmett disappeared into a broom closet somewhere, so I look to James and Victoria. I don't know a more fucked up pair than them. They usually make me feel better about my own issues with my morale.

I've never really liked Victoria and James is a creep at the best of times. Really, I don't know why we tolerate them. James has been getting on my nerves lately, anyway and knowing that he was giving Bella shit over her virginity, or his belief it was now gone, was the final straw. Victoria is stretching out and pushing her fake tits up into his face but he's not paying her any attention; he's glaring at Bella, who's sitting beside me, legs tucked up underneath her, engrossed in _Wuthering Heights_. I know this shit because she reads that damn book all the time. Maybe I should read it. On second thoughts, no.

Bella looks up from her book then into my eyes and addresses me. "Hey, Edward?"

"Mhm?"

"Do you want to come over for dinner? Charlie's going to Seattle tonight and I don't really want to be alone," she asks.

"Yeah," I whisper, so my voice won't betray me. Truthfully, being alone with Bella intimidates me. It never turns out to be awkward, but there's always there's this nervous tension floating in the air, not that she's really aware of it. Since her little 'request', it's bound to be amplified.

"Okay. We can google hotels," she whispers in my ear, then giggles. I think she's having a little too much fun with all this and it kind of hurts. She doesn't know that i'm love with her though, so I guess she can't really be to blame.

"Bella," Alice chirps, breaking up our quiet exchange. "Have you got your prom dress yet?"

"You know I don't, Ali," Bella says.

"God, Bella!" Alice growls. Nothing gets her more fiesty than fashion not being respected or thought over. "We need to go shopping. This weekend!"

"Okay, whatever you say," Bella says, just to please Alice. People close to Alice learn pretty quickly just to shut up and give her what she wants. She's without a doubt the scariest small person I have ever encountered. "So Port Angeles, then?"

"No, Bella! Seattle!" Alice exclaims, then she's bouncing around on Jasper's lap. "You, me, Jaz and Edward can go on Saturday and stay the night? Get a nice hotel? Rose already has her dress."

"Um, yeah sure Al," Bella says then turns back to her book, while I wonder if these hotel encounters are going to become a regular thing.

"Hey Cullen," James calls. I look over at him and he gestures for me to stand up and walk with him. I tell Bella goodbye, then follow James across the cafeteria and out into the hall. He keeps walking until he finds an open classroom and then lets himself in.

"What's up?" I ask nonchalantly.

"I just want to discuss Bella," James says, then takes a seat at one of the desks. I stand in front of him and eye him suspiciously. Does he know how I feel about her?

"What about her?"

"Well you know, Vicky just isn't the right girl for me anymore," James says, sounding like a pedophile. Fuck I hate this guy even more than normal at the moment, if possible. Why on earth did I ever like him to begin with? When him and Victoria moved here, they just fell into our group of friends, no questions asked. It's fucked.

"So what? You want...Bella?"

"No. I just want to fuck her," James admits, then he lets out a laugh which sounds like some kind of retarted cackle. Fuck I hate this guy. He's not touching _my_ Bella.

"You won't lay a fucking hand on her," I growl and James laughs again.

"I'll do what I want. What do you care anyway? She gave it up for that reservation fuck, so obviously she doesn't give a shit about her little best friend Eddie. Last I checked, you were busy fucking half the female population of Forks anyway."

"Well if you paid attention, you'd know she wasn't with that guy and she was with me," I said, without even thinking about it.

"That's bullshit and we both know it," James snarls. "You just want down her fucking pants, you practically drool over her. Well I bet you, I can bed her first and there's nothing you can do about it."

"First off, you dumb fuck, I don't need to make threats and shit to get Bella to sleep with me. Second, she wouldn't give you a second glance you greasy fuck. Thirdly, she already hates you," I growl at James. He smiles at me menacingly, before rising from his chair to stand in front of me.

"I guess we'll just have to see then," he says, then he saunters out of the classroom. It's ridiculous, really. Bella'd never want him, would she? Surely not.

All through the last period of the day, which I have with Bella, I fidget and growl and slam my book down. Bella rolls her eyes at me and rests one of her hands on my shoulder, lightly rubbing circles into it. She asks me what's wrong several times but I tell her it doesn't matter . I'm not worried about her wanting James, i'm just worried about how far he'll actually go to get what he wants. He's a determined mother fucker.

When the horrible day finally ends, Bella and I get in my car and drive over to hers. She's acting all funny, even once we're at hers so I sit down and switch on her plasma. She brings me over one of Charlie's beers and we sit down in front of some terrible sitcom, not speaking.

"What the fuck?" Bella growls breaking the silence, I give her a confused look and she growls at me again. "Why is everything weird? You were so angry after lunch and now you aren't talking to me."

"I just don't know what i'm meant to say," I admit.

"Okay fine. Let's just call this whole thing off," Bella pouts, then grabs the remote and flicks through the channels before turning the tv off altogether.

"I don't want to do that," I say and Bella growls at me again. "I just am worried about how this might change things between us."

"It's just sex, Edward. You do it all the time," she reminds me.

"But this is you. It won't be just sex," I say and I hope she doesn't pick up what I really mean by saying that. "I want to do it right for you, okay?"

"Okay...well...," Bella trails off. "Maybe we should just ease into it?"

"What do you mean?" I ask and eye her suspiciously.

"I mean, we should just loosen the physical boundaries...we're both seventeen, we're not children anymore...,"

"I don't follow you," I say and Bella leans forward, without speaking. I lean forward to meet her and her arms move to hold my sides. I can hear her breathing softly and then she closes her eyes and leans into me, her lips slightly pouted and it finally clicks what she wants to do. Shit, okay I can do this. If I can fuck girls whose name I don't even know, then I can kiss Bella Swan.

I move forward and gently press my lips to hers and she responds by moving her hands up to my hair and deepening the kiss. Our lips move together for what seems like years, then I feel her brush her tongue along my bottom lip. I open my lips and grant her access, then we're fighting eachother with our tongues for dominance. I let Bella take control and I move my arms around her waist and pull her into me, pouring almost a years worth of unrequited love into this simple kiss. Her lips are soft and plump and beautiful and I never, ever want to leave this place, but Bella pulls away slowly and I know I need to as well.

"Wow," I breathe, without really thinking.

"I know," she agrees, then she giggles. "God, we haven't made out since we were what fourteen?"

"Something like that," I mutter, but I remember exactly when it was and why. Bella wanted to learn french kissing.

Bella goes into the kitchen to make dinner and I sit on the couch, stumped. Fuck me. That kiss was hotter than all my other sexual experiences put together, so I take a moment to er...compose myself, then I walk into the kitchen and sit at Bella's small dining table.

Shortly thereafter, Bella places a plate with steak and vegetables in front of me. I work my way through the meal absent-mindedly and we make pointless conversation. We don't mention the kiss or future-fucking, which is kind of a relief because my brain's frazzled right now. Of course, with Bella, she's bound to bring it up sooner or later.

"Hey Edward?" Bella calls me out of my daze.

"Yeah?" I clear my throat, then look up at her.

"Are you...I mean...when did you last have sex?" She asks. Who asks those kind of questions? Shit. I've got to think about that one. Apart from Tanya sucking me off, i've had limited sexual contact these last few weeks. "Sorry, you don't have to answer if it's too personal."

"No...I was just thinking, not for a few weeks," I answer. "I actually don't think I want to until you and I..."

"You don't have to self-impose some kind of sexbargo for me," Bella laughs.

"No it's not that. I'd just prefer not to have had it too many places before you," I say bluntly, then regret the words that have just fallen out of my mouth. I'm such a fucking idiot sometimes. Bella gives me a strange look, then she bursts out laughing at my admission and then i'm laughing with her because she's so damn infectious and cute when she laughs.

"Um, do you want to google hotels now?" Bella asks timidly and I laugh at the idea of researching the place where i'll deflower my best friend. She leads me upstairs to her little bedroom and I sit down on her bed while she pulls her laptop over and sits down next to me. She opens it up and her web browser is already open, the web page "So, you want to lose your virginity?" loaded.

"Oh my god," Bella groans then she slams shut the computer. "I'm so embarrassed ," she cries and I wrap my arm around her shoulder and try to hold back the laughter, but my body is shaking so I know she can feel it. "Shut up, Edward! It isn't funny!" She hisses, but then she starts laughing along with me and we fall back onto the bed in fit of hysterics.

"It's a little funny," I joke and Bella slaps my arm and rolls away from me so she's facing the wall. "Oh come on, Bells," I laugh and I wrap my arm around her. She's not laughing anymore so I figure she's really pissed off. "It's okay, you don't need to be embarrassed. It's just me."

"That's exactly why i'm embarrassed ," she whispers. I wonder why she'd be embarrassed in front of me of all people but decide not to push her on it.

"Bells, it's alright," I sigh, then she moves so I can wrap my arm around her better.

"I'm scared," she whispers. "Of growing up and leaving Forks and my dad and i'm scared of not getting into Dartmouth." Despite her sometimes-cocky attitude, Bella really is insecure. She constantly worries she's not good enough and she's been this way for as long as I can remember. Maybe it's her parents divorce or that she has no siblings, or maybe it's because she's yet to find love, I'm not sure. All I can do is comfort her like I've done so many times before.

"It will all work out," I promise and then I can feel Bella relaxing. She closes her eyes and leans into my chest and then before I know it, she's asleep. I pull her closer to me and breathe in her scent just like the pervert I am, before carefully pulling her blanket up and over her sleeping body.

Then, as I'm standing up and about leave, Bella whimpers from behind me. "Edward, stay," she cries and I turn around expecting her to be staring at me with needy eyes, but when I do turn around she's asleep still. She thrashes around in her bed, moaning and whimpering. "Please, don't leave me," she cries again. Even if it's only her subconscious talking, I move back over to the bed and slide in next to her. She purrs, then wraps her arm around me and starts to snore lightly.

I pull her even closer to me and breathe in her delicious scent. What can I say? I'm a masochist.

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**A/N**: God. Work tomorrow. I hate when the weekend ends. That also means I wont have a lot of time to update and it's busy coming up to summer/christmas, but i'll do my best to update as often as possible. I have so much bloody shopping to do though. I hate christmas.


	4. Frustrated

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters. I'd like some undies with Edward's face on them, however.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**Previously**: Edward: I pull her even closer to me and breathe in her delicious scent. What can I say? I'm a masochist.

**A/N**: I'm sorry for this chapter, I just couldn't help myself. Besides, all this will add for the story! I like to push Edward. He's definitely the funnest character to mess with. That being said, i'm nervous about this chapter and whether i'm just screwing everything up. O0h well...here goes.

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**FRUSTRATED**

The rest of the week passes and finally, it's the weekend.

My contact with Bella has been limited, we've been busy with school and neither of us have mentioned tuesday night, or wednesday morning for that matter when we woke up, arms wrapped around eachother. We haven't mentioned the kiss and Bella hasn't brought up googling hotels again, either. I'm starting to think maybe I should pick somewhere romantic to take her, make it a surprise kind of thing. Except Bella hates surprises. I'm supposed to be making her fall in love with me, but really, I have no idea how to.

I've never wooed girls. They've always come to me. I've never even had a relationship with one of them or been in love or anything. I've taken them out on dates, but usually they end with me getting off, one way or another. How on earth am I meant to convince the most beautiful girl...woman, in the world that she should love me as I love her?

Alice jumps on my bed and slaps me lightly across the face to wake me up. It's 8am on a saturday. This girl is fucking insane sometimes. "We're going to Seattle!" She chimes. Like she needs to remind me, she's been going on and on about it since Bella agreed to go. "I've laid out some clothes for you and i've packed your overnight bag. You need to shower, we're leaving this house at 9am. No later!" And with that, she bounces out of my room, singing on the way. How Jasper puts up with her is beyond me.

I follow her commands, in fear of her wrath, and we're out of the house by 8:55. Jasper and Alice get in the back seat of my Volvo and we head over to Bella's house. Charlie's cruiser isn't in the drive, which is a relief, because i'm sure we'd have to endure a lecture of some sorts. The guy never says it, but i'm sure he hates me. I tell the others that i'll go get Bella, then I walk over to her front door and knock. Bella calls out to me, so I let myself in and up the stairs, where she's frantically rifling through her draws.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Fucking Alice," Bella growls. "She has hidden all my sweats! I swear to god...I'm going to kill that evil little pixie!"

"Honestly Bells, it's not like she'll let you wear them anyway."

"No, of course not! She'll only let me wear ugly fucking blue velour track suits, that match hers. Except she has pink of course," Bella hisses and I find this whole thing hilarious, so I laugh at Bella and throw said track suit in her overnight bag and zip it up. She growls at me, then throws some boots on her feet and grabs a cardigan. Finally, we're out the door in a fit of laughter and snarls.

I put Bella's bag in the boot, while she takes a minute to hiss at Alice, who looks thoroughly frightened and huddles into Jasper. Then we both get in my car and get the hell out of Forks. After an hour and a half on the road in which everyone, bar me, has fallen asleep, I pull into McDonalds in the small town Sequim.

From then, it's straight on to Seattle. Bella's phone won't stop going off, message after message and her mood gets worse and worse. She changes the music constantly and just seems irritated in general and Jasper and Alice making out in the backseat isn't exactly helping either of our moods.

"Will you two get a fucking room?" Bella growls.

"Woah," Jasper says in his thick southern accent. "What's got your panties in a twist?"

"Can you two just stop ramming your tongues down eachother throats? Fuck!" Bella spits, then winds down her window and screams.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Alice asks in a small voice. "You've been angry all day and I know it's not because of Jasper and I."

Bella ignores Alice and pulls out a book from her bag. _Pride and Prejudice_. I swear she doesn't read the shit normal teenagers do. I reach over and pat her shoulder and she momentarily smiles at me, then seems to remember she's supposed to be a hardass today and brushes my hand away and looks back down at her book.

"Fucking PMS," I mutter under my breath. I know everyone else hears, but they all choose to ignore it.

By the time we make it to our hotel in Seattle, it's already 1 in the afternoon but Alice reminds us, we came here to shop, so we head off to our rooms to get ready. Bella and I are sharing a room with two singles, but Alice takes over so she and Bella can talk and get ready together. I go over to Jasper and Al's room, where Jasper is reclining on the large king-sized bed. Alice seems to have picked the most luxurious hotel she could find.

"What's wrong with Bella?" He asks. I shrug and flick on the television, but it's all shit so I decide to go back to my room and hurry the girls along. I slip the keycard into the lock, but I can hear Bella and Alice talking – they don't realise i'm back. I know it's stupid, but I creep over to the bathroom door and press my ear against it.

"I don't know what he wants, Al," Bella sighs and for a moment I think she's thinking about me, but of course she's not. "He's been messaging me all day and it's driving me insane. He keeps saying that he wants to get to know me and he's sorry for the whole thing with Edward."

"Do you believe him?" Alice asks.

"I don't know. I'd like to, but I just don't trust him. He told me some things about Edward and I just don't know what i'm meant to do," Bella sighed again. "This is James we're talking about, though. Just don't tell Edward, Al." James? Motherfucker. I'd almost forgotten about that sick fuck and his admission that he's going to try to get into Bella's pants. _My_ Bella's pants. I wonder what the hell he told her about me.

Alice starts talking about some Alice-related shit, so I decide now's the time to knock on the door and make myself known. "You two ready?" I ask, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible and exude an air of nonchalance. I'll have to ask Alice about it later. Surely, she'll tell me.

"Yeah, just a sec," Bella calls, then Alice bounds out of the door and gives me an evil-pixie look.

Shopping is terrible, just as I predicted. Alice drags us into what seems like a million stores, then shoos Jasper and I away when she decides it's time for the prom-dress shopping, because as her date, I'm forbidden from seeing Bella's dress. What we were shopping for before, I have absolutely no clue. All I want to do is get out of this stupid fucking mall and get drunk or sleep.

Jasper and I go down to the food court and order something just to give us something to do. "What's your issue?" Jasper asks. I shrug him off but he keeps pressing it. "I know i'm going out with your sister, but we actually used to be mates, so cut the crap and just tell me what your problem is." It takes me off guard, Jasper is normally pretty reserved when it comes to the whole "say what you feel" thing.

"I'm just taking a stab in the dark here, but does this have anything to do with Bella?"

"Why the fuck would this have anything to do with Bella?" I growl.

"Yeah, why would it? I mean bedding you best friend-" Jasper mumbles, but I cut that fucker off.

"What the hell did Alice tell you?"

"Oh come on. I'm not going to say anything."

"Then why bring it up?" I ask, then bang my hand on the table impatiently, earning a concerned stare from a mother and her children sitting a few tables down from us. "It seems like every fucker knows how much I love Bella," I growl, sounding like a bloody girl.

"You're actually in love with her? Edward Cullen is in love with a girl?"

"Why else would I go through with Bella's stupid request?"

"You're Edward Cullen," Jasper laughs, like that explains everything. "You'd fuck anything with a vagina. You've never had a relationship, only sex. You have sex in your car during school hours. Why would Bella be any different?"

"She just is," I growl. "I'm not talking about this shit with you." Luckily, I really don't have to because Bella and Alice walk over to our table, bags all up their arms. Bella looks exhausted, but Alice looks very satisfied.

"Are you two done?" Jasper asks.

"Ooh almost! We got Bella's dress – no peeking Edward! - and shoes and I bought some new t-shirts and dresses and cute little socks and -" I tune out the rest of what Alice says. My parents should never have given her a credit card.I'm thinking about hiding it, when Alice starts talking about Victoria's Secret.

"What about it?" I ask.

"Bella and I are going to get some new things," Alice says sweetly. Fucking bitch. Bella's a blushing beetroot and is staring at her feet. Does she knows Alice knows and now Jasper knows? "We can go tomorrow before we leave, though," Alice thankfully adds because I want to get the hell out of this mall. I'm damn pissed at my sister in this moment for giving me an imaging of Bella in Victoria's Secret negligee. Fuck.

"Alice!" I growl, then pull her in to my room once we get back to the hotel, leaving Jasper and Bella outside. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Hey! Don't go accusing me! She told me she wanted new lingerie...I didn't say a thing!" Alice retorts, but i'm still fucking pissed at her, so I don't give a shit if she's telling the truth. "What about Jasper then? He goes and get's up in my shit...it's my personal business! Whose side are you on Al? And what is this shit about James telling Bells shit about me?" I didn't mean to say that last part, I wasn't planning on letting Alice know i'd eavesdroped, I was going to coax it out of her. Too late for that now.

"You listened to our conversation? You're a total hypocrite, Edward Anthony Cullen!" She yells, then she smacks me straight across the face. "Jasper is my life partner and that's why I told him," Alice says simply, to which I snort. "Maybe James really does want something with her. At least he has the guts to take action."

"All he wants to do is get in her pants!" I snarl.

"And how are you any different?" Alice challenges. I open my mouth, ready to put her in her place but I don't know what to say. I can see that Al is crying and I feel bad for yelling at her and bringing her into my own fucked up problems, but the thing I feel the worst about is that maybe she's right.

"Sorry," I whisper, but Alice brushes past me out the door, slamming it behind her. I even make my baby sister cry when she's just trying to help me. I contemplate how much of an asshole I am for about twenty minutes, then Bella opens the door and slowly creeps into the room. I'm lying on my bed, eyes closed so she probably thinks i'm asleep. That's good, I don't want to make her cry _too_. Too bad, Bella insists on talking to me.

"Edward, stop wallowing in self-pity and talk to me," she purrs and when I open my eyes, she's kneeling in front of me. "Why do I get this weird feeling that this thing between you and Alice, whatever it is, has got something to do with me?" Her features are soft and I can tell she's not going to go psycho and yell at me. She's a lot more rational than I am, she usually tries to talk shit over first.

"It's not you, Bella," I lie.

"Really? Because it sure seems like it," she sighs. "I get it. You don't want to have sex with me. You could just tell me that."

"Bella, this isn't about our...agreement. Why wouldn't I want to have sex with you?"

"Oh right, you have sex with anything that moves," she says, then rolls her eyes.

"You really think you classify as just some girl?" I ask. "You're my best friend and I'm doing this because I want you to do this with someone who respects you. Stop doubting me," I say, then I laugh and lightly push her shoulder. "I'm not _that _much of a slut."

"No you aren't. You're worse," Bella jokes, then she jumps on top of me and tries to tickle me, but I get her first and I throw her down on the soft bed and attack her ribs. She jerks around crazily and screams for help, whilst in a fit of laughter. I finally release her and she lies down beside me on the bed. "I like when you aren't all angsty, E. You're much more fun like this."

"Okay, _B_. I'll try to not be such a angsty little bitch."

"Hey, bitch. We're in a hotel room...with comfortable beds," Bella murmers, then raises her eyebrows at me and seductively licks her lips. I think she's joking, so I laugh but Bella jumps up and straddles my waist.

"What are you doing, Bella?" I ask and she frowns.

"I'm frustrated," she breathes, then grinds against me.

"Bella," I warn in a stern voice and she removes herself from my lap and moves over to the edge of the bed. She holds her head in her hands and I move up to her and wrap my arm around her shoulders. "Bells? Are you alright? You aren't acting very Bella-ish."

"I'm horny!" She declares, then falls back on the bed. "I'm a fucking eighteen year old virgin who has never had an orgasm!" She's obviously angry, but she laughs at her admission and covers her face in her hand.

"You've never had an orgasm? What about Jake?" Bella shakes her head. "Mike?" No. "Tyler?" No. "Robert?" No. "Taylor?"

"God, Edward! You make me sound like a hooker who lurks on the corner's of Forks!" Bella exclaims. "See? This is why I keep trying to mount you every chance I get."

"Do you know how ridiculous this is? I mean we talk about _most _things, but this is taking the whole 'I tell my best friend everything' thing to whole new level," I laugh and Bella laughs and then we can't stop laughing. "I'd definitely be able to make you come though," I add.

"Without a doubt," I state confidently. "Shit, Bells. We really need to define what is going on with us," I say. As much as i'd like to throw her down and have my way with her, joking about this shit is not working wonders for my ego, or my erection for that matter. How much of this am I going to put myself through, let Bella put me through, before I combust?

"Well, I mean...we're going to.." Bella gulps, then continues. "If we're going to have sex, maybe we should just get comfortable with one another. Like I said the other night about, you know, loosening our physical boundaries?"

"Uh, yeah," I mumble. "You mean, you want us to be...like fuck buddies or something?"

"Hey, don't make assumptions rabbit, we aren't fucking," Bella laughs. "Not yet anyway."

"So remind me why we're doing this again?"

"I told you why _i'm_ doing it. I'm damn horny and you are the expert in these areas. Why are you doing it?" _Why am I doing this?_ Oh right, because I'm in love with my best friend. My best friend who also happens to want down my pants just as much as I want down hers. Luckily, Alice is banging on our door so I don't have to answer that question.

"Belward!" Alice squeals, calling us that couple-name she's so fond of. "I've got CHAMPAGNE!" On second thoughts, maybe the words just meshed together and sound right to her.

"Ooh, Goody!" Bella laughs, then jumps up from the bed to let Alice in, who looks like she's already had a few glasses already. "Let's get this party started!"

Fuck. Shit. Oh Hell's Bells.

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**A/N**: I make no claim over "Hell's Bells". I've seen it in like 1 or 2 stories, can't remember which specific ones. Sorry if anyone gets grumpy if i've stolen their thing.


	5. Irrational

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters. I'd like some undies with Edward's face on them, however.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**Previously**: Bella is horny. Edward is keen. Alice has champagne.

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**IRRATIONAL **

"Belward!" Alice squeals, calling us that couple-name she's so fond of. "I've got CHAMPAGNE!"

"Ooh, Goody!" Bella laughs, then jumps up from the bed to let Alice in, who looks like she's had a few glasses already. "Let's get this party started!" Bella exclaims, then she runs over and pulls Alice out of Jasper's arms. They stumble a bit and I understand why Jaz was holding onto Alice so tight.

Damn Alice and her fucking champagne for runing what might've been a pretty pleasant evening for Bella and I. Damn Jasper fucking Hale. Damn him to the pits of hell for not controlling my equally-damned sister. Damn the both of them for cursing me with having to look after my best friend who just doesn't know when to stop. But most of all, damn Bella for getting me all keen and then squealing and encouraging Alice! Alice with champagne is bad. Alice with champagne being encouraged by Bella is worse.

Bella shuts the door behind Alice and Jasper and pulls the bottle of champagne out of Alice's grip, then takes a swig. Jasper stands by the door and watches Alice as she dances around like a crazy drunk pixie, while Bella saunters over to her suitcase and pulls out her own surprise – a bottle of Vodka. "Bells, don't drink it straight," I warn, but she laughs at me and takes a shot straight from the bottle, crinkling her nose when it moves down her throat. "Told you," I say, but Bella giggles again and thrusts the bottle at me.

I'm smart so I walk over to the mini-bar and pull out a can of coke, make myself a double-vodka and coke, then a single for Bella. Drinking vodka straight is just shit. Vodka is more of a chicks drink too. Coke isn't much better, but it's still a mild improvement. Alice lies back down on Bella's bed, guzzling her champagne while Jasper helps himself to some Vodka. This shit ain't going to last long, but maybe that's a good thing.

Several glasses of Vodka later, Alice tells Jasper to go back to her room – he's whipped like a bitch – and he does, bringing back another bottle of wine, which he tosses Alice. I wish he wouldn't encourage her, but she is fair funny. Jasper can't take his eyes off her, and I gotta admit, I can tell he loves her. As much as I love Bella, if not more.

"Okay! Confession time!" Bella exclaims, then throws down the pillows from our beds on the floor and plants herself on one. She looks up at the three of us expectantly and we take that as our cue to follow suit and sit down. Alice sits down on Jasper's lap and he looks thoroughly pleased with himself. Then I wonder exactly what Bella plans on confessing, not that Jasper and Alice don't know the biggest thing she could probably confess.

"Um, what are we confessing?" Jasper asks.

"I'll start," Bella volunteers. "Edward and I are going to have sex," she states confidently, then lifts the bottle of wine to her lips and guzzles. Oh fuck, I pray, _don't fuck this up Alice_.

"We knew that, silly!" Alice giggles and I shoot her a death stare.

"How could you know that?" Bella asks my sister, then she turns towards me and glares. "You fucking told Alice? Your sister? That is fucking perverted, even for you!"

"Oh Bells, he only did it because he's in-" Alice begins, but I quickly shift and cover her mouth with my hand. She gives me a knowing look, then seems to realise how she was potentially close to ruining my existence. "It's only because he didn't want to do wrong by you," Alice quickly covers, then throws me an apologetic look, which i'm sure Bella catches but i'm hoping she's too intoxicated to notice. Bloody Bella and her perceptiveness. Thank fuck, she seems to have brushed it off.

"Aw you're so sweet, E," Bella cooes, then not so gracefully moves over to me and plants a light kiss on my cheek. "My bestest friend ever!" She adds, then wraps her arms around me and moves herself onto my lap. "Actually guys," she addresses Alice and Jasper, "we were going to do some practicing before you burst in!"

"Ew! Bella, he's my brother!" Alice throws the argument back at Bella.

"Not by blood, young sister," I joke, then she slaps me, feigning disgust.

"Maybe we should leave them alone baby," Jasper offers, but Alice dismisses him.

"No. No one has confessed anything that all of us didn't know," Alice pouts. "I will tell you guys a secret. Jasper really likes it when I use my- " Jasper stops her from finishing that sentence, covering her mouth just as I had earlier. Alice is not the best person to get drunk with. She seems to know everyone's secrets.

"Come on, Al," Jasper says, then pulls her up and throws her tiny figure over his shoulder. She's apparently too sloshed to object, so Jasper escourts her out of the room chuckling, then turns and gives Bella and I a wave, leaving us alone, at last.

"Mhm, Edward," Bella purrs, then she turns in my lap so her legs are on either side of mine and she's facing me. She wraps her arms around my waist and rests her head on my chest. "Sometimes, I feel like we're the only people in the world. Like you're the only person who matters to me." She sighs so I pick her up and lay her down on her bed and hope she's saying this because it's what she thinks and not just because she's drunk and happy. "No, Edward. Please come to bed with me."

"I'll just have a shower first. Okay, baby?" I say, then walk over and kiss her on her forehead. How the fuck am I meant to be a good "just friend" to her, when she's saying this kind of shit to me? Not that it's shit. It just does my head in. I can't grasp it, sometimes. I get hopeful too. Like maybe she's saying it because she does have some kind of feeling for me, like I do for her. It's times like these that risking it, just telling her how I feel because of the off chance she feels the same way. Fuck Alice for being right. I need to tell her.

"Okay, come back soon," she whispers and I head off to the bathroom. As much as I don't want to leave her, i'm damn nervous. My dreams of having Bella and pleasuring her are all laid out for me and possibly turning into reality and it's intimidating. I turn on the shower and it's warm, but not in the way Bella is. I long to hold her freely in my arms, so I make the shower quick, then towel off and throw on some boxers before walking out into the room.

Bella is still in the same position as when I left. Her dark brown hair fanned out around her face, her arms lay across her chest, which is slowly rising and falling with each careful breath. And that's when I realise she's too peaceful; she's asleep. In all fairness, she was hammered, but i'm still pissed at her for falling asleep on me. Guess i'll be getting myself off tonight. I turn back towards the bathroom in the hopes of working out some sexual angst, but then I hear Bella sigh.

"Edward."

I turn to face her and she's still asleep, but there's a smile playing on her perfect, plump lips. "Oh, Edward," she sighs again, then she raises her hand to her head. I turn back and shift her over so I can lay back down beside her as she continues to sigh and murmer. "Alice, leave me alone," Bella growls in her sleep, then the smile falls off her lips. "No, no! I want the cotton panties!" I chuckle quietly, so as to not wake Bella, then wrap my arms around her. Here goes my mashochistic shit again. It's really true, though. I like putting myself through this, even if it is ultimately painful.

She instantly relaxes and goes back to sighing my name.

"I love you, _my Bella_," I sigh. Then I turn off the light.

"Edward?" Bella calls my name softly, then I open my eyes and she's staring down at me, looking tired, but still beautiful. "Sorry, I didn't want to wake you but we have to check out in an hour." The sun is filtering in the window and I slept so peaceful, the night barely feels like it's come and gone.

"S'okay," I say.

"Sorry about last night," Bella mumbles. "I had a bit too much to drink."

"It's fine, Bells," I assure her. I've seen her much worse, after all.

"I'm sorry about a lot of things," Bella sighs. "I've been acting so weird lately. I'm really sorry. I just thought Jacob was the one, but he just wasn't and you're just so wonderful to me that I sometimes forget that you're my best friend, not sexy Edward Cullen, who promises to make me come," she giggles and I chuckle.

"Don't apologize, really," I say, then take her small hand in mine. "I get that feeling a lot, too."

"That surprises me," Bella says and I can tell she doesn't mean it in a spiteful way, she's just curious. "It's just weird, because you're...a sl....you're just experienced and i'm not. I just don't see you as having problems dealing with sexual frustration and all that."

"I haven't had sex for almost a month," I remind her. "I'm not a sex-fiend. It's actually lost it's appeal lately, I must confess."

"Hrm," Bella breathes. "We're so contemplative and all that," she giggles and I can tell she's trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Hey, E? Do you remember that time we got drunk at the playground and I fell backwards down the slide and you had to carry me to yours so your dad could make sure I was okay?"

"I do," I grin. "I also remember how you seemed to form some kind of obsession with my father after that. You'd ask, how is Carlisle, oh he's so lovely. Dr Cullen ooh." _Reminiscing. _

"Is that really so surprising? Your dad is a total DILF!"

"Wrong on so many levels," I cringe. "Come on, let's get our stuff packed up."

This is why I love Bella – despite the sexual tension on my part, everything else is so easy with us. She's my best friend and I'm hers.

Jasper is driving us home, says I need a break. I'm still worried about entrusting my Volvo over to him, but i'll deal because I can stare at Bella instead of the road. I'm that obsessed. I think it's bordering on unhealthy sometimes, but then I shrug and convince myself love is irrational. And i'm bloody irrational, believe me. Agreeing to take your best friends virginity is one thing, but then agreeing to help her get off is another thing entirely. Still, i'm obsessed. And of course, i'm a pussy who's yet to act on it.

The drive home is slow, agonizing. Bella is still tired so she sleeps soundly , her head resting my lap. Jasper and Alice are linking hands in the front and Bella ocassionally sighs, sometimes even says my name. It makes my heart thump everytime and everytime i'm with her when she's asleep she says it several times. That just doesn't get old and she never seems to stop saying it. I guess it's just because we see eachother a lot. I'm on her mind, kinda thing.

"So, Edward. I really thought you'd tell Bella," Alice says as she invites herself back in my room. We got home a few hours ago and dropped Jasper and Bella home so they could see their families.

"Alice-" I warn, but she frowns at me and then she looks sad. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because i'm waiting for you to break," Alice whispers softly.

"What on earth do you mean?"

"You need to tell her," she says simply, failing to answer my question. She sure is cryptic sometimes. "Before someone else steps in." Then it hits me. My eavesdropping on the bathroom conversation. How Alice was too mad to explain to me what was going on after she'd found out I was listening to hers and Bella's conversation. James. Mother fucking James. How the hell could I forget?

"James," I hiss and Alice nods. "What the fuck is he doing, Al?"

"You're not going to like this..." Alice said. "Him and Bella are going on a date."

----------------

**A/N**: Please Review and let me know if I've gone too weird with this. For those of you who are like what is a DILF? Dad i'd like to fuck. Just like a MILF. Haha. And as if Carlisle isn't a dilf. Fuck. He's hot. Like Peter Faccinelli in the movie. I was like oh my lord. Hot dilf. Okay imma shutup.


	6. Climax

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters. I'd like some undies with Edward's face on them, however.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**Previously**: When they return from Seattle, Alice tells Edward that Bella and James are going on a date.

----------------

**CLIMAX**

"Him and Bella are going on a date," Alice says and I just look at her in shock. "At first she thought he was just being sleazy, but he's been talking to her about all this deep and meaningful stuff. Him and Victoria have apparently broken up and he's talking through his 'issues' with Bella. You better watch out for Victoria as well – she's always had a thing for you, Edward."

"I don't care about fucking Victoria," I growl. "Stupid fucking James. All he wants to do is get in her pants! I swear to God..."

"Edward!" Alice snaps, trying to bring me out of my rage. "I think Bella's in love with you too and somehow I think all of this revolves around you. Even everything with Jacob, I think that you may have played a part in why she broke up with him. Also, stop cursing"

"That's ridiculous. What did I ever do to him? I hate the guy but I never said anything to him."

"No, Edward," Alice sighs. "You aren't listening. I think she broke up with him because he wasn't _you_. She's constantly comparing guys to you and I think with James, she wants to believe that underneath it all, he's a good person."

"How on earth can she compare James to me?"

"Well, think about it. James has a bad reputation and so do you because _you_ are a whore, but Bella knows what you're really like underneath all that so she's probably got something going on in her head which is willing her to take a chance on James. Of course, I assume he's taking advantage of that and playing up his good side all in attempt to get into her pants. He's completely transparent, but I can't say anything to Bella because I think she really wants to get over you."

"She doesn't love me, Al. She must just like James," I sigh. "Bella doesn't love me, I have to convince her to. Besides, she would've told me something like that."

"Are you serious?" Alice growls. "She would've told you? Why? Because you're best friends? Well Edward, you're in love with her and you haven't told her! Why don't you just tell her?"

"Because i'm scared!" I growl. "I'm scared because I don't want to risk our friendship and I'm scared because I don't even know how to be in a relationship. I've never bothered with them before and what if I screw up?"

"You have all of college to work on that," Alice reminds me.

"Alice, I'm not going to Dartmouth. I can't be around her if I can't be with her."

"Well tell her, brother!" Alice exclaims. "Fuck you're such a pussy sometimes. I get that you're scared and all that but you love her. It's not like you just want to sleep her, you actually_ love_ her!"

"Why do you care?" I growl.

"Because i'm worried about you. All this sleeping around and no relationships is bound to fuck you up. So grow some balls and tell her how you feel, then you can go off to Dartmouth with her and have your happily ever fucking after!" Alice screams, then she turns on her heals and storms towards my bedroom door, walking through it and then slams it loudly behind her.

Fuck her.

It's 10pm and we've got school tomorrow, but I need to talk to Bella. Now. I consider trying her cell, but that's too impersonal. So I decide what to do.

I'll climb the tree outside her window.

I throw on a coat and some shoes, then race out to the Volvo and speed all the way over to Bella's before parking down from her house incase Charlie wakes up and looks out the window, wondering why my car is near his house. I think he's always assumed I'm corrupting his daughter and that wouldn't help the situation. So I pull over and then walk down the street and creep across Bella's front lawn.

I haven't done this in a while, mainly because the Quileute fucker and his gang may or may not have bashed me. That's a risk I wasn't willing to take, thank fuck he's out of the picture. Don't get me wrong, I can hold my own, but he doesn't fight fair. I'm surprised he didn't try to convince Bella to have a gang bang with his reservation boyfriends. Or maybe that's why they broke up...

I carefully hoist myself up the tree, then stumble across a thick branch which runs almost the whole way to Bella's window. Her lamp is on and is offering me a small amount of light, so I lean forward and wrap carefully on her window. She looks up from her tattered book towards the window, gasps, then giggles when she realises it's only me. I wonder who else she was expecting it to be.

"Edward! What on earth are you doing here?" Bella laughs as she opens the window and takes my arm, helping me in to her room.

"I needed to see you," I say as I climb through the window.

"Oh," Bella says quietly, then "Oh! Oh!" Then she erupts in giggles and walks back over to her bed. "I forgot. You're probably really antsy right now!"

"No, Bella-" I begin, but before I can continue, Bella has moved back over to me and pulled me by my collar over to her bed.

"Don't worry," she whispers in my ear, then softly nips on it. "I need this just as much as you do." Then she's kissing me and it feels like fire and it's amazing and I can't pull away. I don't _want_ to pull away. I just want to devour Bella whole because she tastes so amazing. And she smells amazing. Then she pulls us both over towards the bed and I rest on my elbows and climb over on top of her. My brain is going into overdrive and I forget why I came here in the first place. My whole world right now is just this kiss and Bella.

Still continuing the kiss, Bella and I manage to throw my coat off, then Bella works at the buttons on my shirt. I let her pull it off, then she pulls away to lift her shirt off her head and FUCK ME. She's not wearing a bra. I pull away to admire her breats , but Bella obviously takes it the wrong way because she reaches to cover them up.

"No, they're beautiful," I sigh. "Don't cover them, baby."

They are the most beautiful tits i've ever seen. Soft and exactly the right size for me to cup. Without thinking, I lean forward and do exactly that. I can feel Bella's heart accelerate and I look up at her to make sure she's okay. I run my thumb across her hard nipples and she breathes out loudly in response. Her boobs are better than anyone else's. Without a doubt.

I admire them for several minutes, then Bella grows frustrated and leans towards me, then furiously kisses me. Our naked chests are pressed together and I can feel her hardened nipples and just how much she wants this. How much we both want this and need this.

"Edward," Bella moans against my mouth. She pulls away so she can gain access to my neck, where she kisses me feverishly. I rope my hands in her hair then Bella reaches down for my pants. That's when I realise we need to set our boundaries. We can't have sex. It isn't planned and it's not romantic and I don't have a condom and Charlie is sleeping down the hall.

"Bella," I call and she moves her face back up to be in level with mine. "We can't do this now."

"Edward!" She groans. "I need you to touch me, or anything! I just need something. We don't have to go all the way, I just need something!" She moans, then she says "please, please, please," and that's when I know that she's won.

"Okay," I murmer against her lips. She runs her hands up and down my chest, while I reach down to her sweat pants. She lifts her hips so I can lower them down her legs, revealing none other than white cotton panties. I laugh at the sight, remembering how she murmered "cotton panties" in her sleep. When I look up at Bella, she's blushing furiously and has her arms crossed against her chest again.

"Bella," I chuckle. "In your sleep last night you said you wanted cotton panties!"

"Oh, god," she groans, then she frees her boobs and knots her hands in my hair while I go back to her legs. I kiss up and down her thighs and I can smell her arousal as I get closer to that magical apex between her legs. "Please Edward," she whimpers.

I run my nose along her still clothed clit, then I gently press a finger into her, through her panties and she arches her back and moans quietly in response. Even through the underwear, I can tell how wet and ready she is. So I slide the panties down her creamy thighs, and scrunch them up and shove them in the pocket of my jeans. Then I lean forward and gently stroke my tongue up her glistening folds.

"Fuck," she moans and I have to remind her to be quiet because Charlie's just down the hall. Bella bites down on her lip so I return to her folds and once again lick up them. I reach my hand out and rub my thumb against her clit, which earns an eager response from Bella, who thrusts her hips up and in my face. I continue to lick her folds while Bella writhes underneath me and I work my fingers on her bundle of nerves.

"Edward" she whimpers quietly as she arches up once again. "So...uh....good."

She's right. It is good. Because she tastes amazing. Sweet and amazing and Bella.

"Ed...uh....ohhh...i'm comm....eeh," she gasps out incoherently, whilst thrashing around on the bed. I hold her down by her thighs and then she comes hard and I lick up all her juices while she continues to shake underneath my tongue.

"My god," Bella murmers when I move back up and lay beside her. "Wow. I came."

"I told you I could make you come," I whisper, then I wrap my arms around her.

"Thank you," she whispers, then takes hold of my hand. "I feel as though I should repay you."

"Bella, that's really not why I came here," I admit and she turns to face me, looking confused and sad and hopeful all at the same time if that's even possible.

"Then why are you here?" She asks.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"About?" Bella prompts.

"James," I say quietly, then fear her wrath.

"What about him?" She growls.

"I hear you and him are going on a date," I say nonchalantly in an attempt to keep Bella calm.

"What's it to you?"

"I just don't trust him."

"Well it's really none of your business. I'd say that I wouldn't intrude on your dating but then again, you don't date girls. You just use them," she spits, her voice rising. I'm sure Charlie's going to wake up because the angrier she gets, the louder she'll get.

"What the hell?" I retort, mainly because I don't know what to say

.

"What is it, Edward? You don't want James to _taint_ me or something?"

"Bella, I don't know what you want me to say," I say frantically.

"Tell me why I shouldn't date him."

"Because he just wants to get in your fucking pants?" I say, because that's really the most obvious answer to me. That and he's just a general fuckwad.

"Oh well funny you say that. He told me the same thing about you," she growls at me.

"And you believe that fucker over your best friend?"

"I didn't at first, but now, truthfully, I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't even understand who we are in relation to eachother anymore. You don't make any sense. You go and sleep with fucking Tanya or Jess or whichever slut you're currently in to, then you come to my bed and cuddle me and you're like this different person with me. Or is that all part of your ploy to get into my pants?"

"I don't need a ploy, you're the one who bloody wants to sleep with me!" I retort because right now she's just being a bitch.

"Oh right! I'm just your undesirable best friend," she spits.

"What else are you supposed to be? And when have I ever said you're undesirable? You aren't. But what you are is a bitch. You're the one who needs to sort your shit out."

"Fine," she says quietly. "Just leave me alone, please." She turns away from me and I can hear her I want to comfort her, but this whole fucked up thing is just going to keep going around in circles until I tell her i'm in love with her and then she gets rid of me.

"Bella, don't cry," I say softly, then reach out and lay my hand on her bare shoulder. "I'm sorry, okay? It's all confusing."

"But why is it confusing?" She cries.

"Because....Because..." _I love you_. Come on Edward, just say those three words. Just three little words.

"I just....I don't know," I reply. _Wrong three words_. Words are never right.

"I think..." Bella sniffles. "I think maybe we need to spend some time apart. Everything is just too confusing now and I just want to go back to normal. Let's just..I don't know. How about we just give eachother some space until Prom?"

Because i'm an idiot, I say; "Yeah. I think that's a good idea."

These next three weeks are going to be agonizing.

----------------

**A/N**: Haha. Well finally, a lemon. And angst. I hope I conveyed the angst okay.


	7. Apart

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters. I'd like some undies with Edward's face on them, however.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**Previously**: Bella and Edward decide to put some room between them, until Prom.

----------------

**APART**

"Oh, Edward," she moans. I think her name is Laura, but I don't really care. All I know is she's sitting on my cock and she's enjoying it. I wish I could say the same about myself, but in reality, it's just the same stupid, meaningless sex I was constantly having before Bella and I made what I now call _The Agreement_. I begin to wonder what the hell I ever saw in this shit, while Lori bounces up and down on my cock. Her eyes are closed so she can't notice my bored expression. Thank fuck. I don't want to get into some fight with this chick. Lauren, I think that's the right name. Laura, Lori, Lauren, same shit.

It's not that great, but my dick reacts anyway and eventually I shoot my cum inside her, while she moans out in ecstasy. She tightens her grip on my shoulders while she milks out the last of my cum, her tits bouncing in my face. I have absolutely no desire to reach out and squeeze them, though. It's not just because my dick has exhausted it's usage for a now, it's because i've seen Bella's and they aren't Bella's boobs. This girl just isn't Bella.

The girl I banged last night wasn't Bella either, or the one the night before. The chick who sucked my dick this morning wasn't Bella. None of the chicks i've had sexual relations with in this past week have been Bella. They're not soft and pale. They aren't beautiful without make-up and i'll never know if they talk in their sleep because I don't hang around long enough for them to actually fall asleep.

"Wow," L-name girl breathes. "Now I understand why you're so infamous with all the girls at school." She giggles and she just sounds like a coke-head porn star. She's clearly an idiot, because I didn't _do_ anything. She just sat on me and did all the work. I don't say anything, merely reach down and grab my pants and quickly pull them up my legs. I need to get out of this girls overly purple room. It's sickening. I hate doing the deed in a girl's room, but still, I never bring them to my own. It'd be harder to get rid of them then.

"I have to go," I mumble and girl sits up, looking concerned.

"Why? Just say here," she whines.

"I just have to go Lisa," I growl.

"My name is Lauren, remember?" She reminds me.

"Oh yeah, sorry Lauren," I say, then I stand up from the bed, throw my shirt back on and walk out of her bedroom door. Thank fuck her parents aren't home, I really couldn't be bothered climbing out the window. Besides, Bella has given me a whole new memory of climbing up a tree and into a girls bedroom window. I really don't want to tarnish that with this shit.

"Call me!" Lauren, aka the oblivious dumbshit, calls from her bedroom window as I'm getting into my car. I'm embarassed for the both of us so I quickly get in my car, start the engine and get the fuck out of there. This is the feeling i've had with every girl that's not Bella since we decided to spend time apart. Stupid fucking idea, if you ask me, but I can't complain because I brought it upon myself. I know, I'm an idiot. I'll tell her, though. Just I can't while she's specifically said she doesn't want to talk to me 'cuz im sure she'll just be even more pissed off.

Alice is pissed off at me too. Namely because she says Bella is going on a date with James tomorrow night. I've told her it's not my problem. She insists I should do something to stop it and I probably should, but really, I'm still kind of pissed at Bella for practically calling me a slut and questioning my intentions with her. Before she announced her desire to get into _my_ pants, I was nothing but noble around her, honestly.

I pull the car into my driveway. Alice's car isn't here, thank god. I don't think I could deal with anymore of her harassing me. It's a friday night and I'm home by 11pm because i'm just lame now. Even The Doctor and Esme are out.

So it's just me. Alone. There's only one thing to do in this situation; get absolutely shitfaced.

I scramble over to the kitchen and explore in the cupboards, finding a bottle of bourbon. Then I turn to the fridge and pull out a beer. I pop the can and guzzle it down, then take a swig of the bourbon. Then I repeat the process. Several times. After a little while, everything starts to go blurry. Good. I want everything to blur. To mesh into all the colors and be a mess so I don't have to think. I'm keen on not thinking and the kitchen floor suddenly looks very inviting.

"EDWARD! What the hell have you done, son?" Carlisle yells at me. I rub my eyes and realise I must've passed out on the inviting kitchen floor. Beer cans are surrounding my body and I'm clutching the ¾ empty bottle of bourbon to my chest. "Get up, now!"

"I don't want to," I whinge. "Leave me alone, Doctor! Let me dwell on my misery. THE WORLD HAS FAILED ME FATHER!" I howl to the rooftops, while my dad tries to pull me up from the floor. I protest and whimper and just act like a general girl. It reminds me of the time the Jimmy Choo store sold out of a pair of shoes Alice wanted and she got drunk and cried all night. Apart from that random memory, my mind seems frazzled/generally fucked beyond repair and I can't think.

"Edward, dear," my mother sighs as she enters the kitchen. "Carlisle, what's wrong with him?"

"He's drunk, clearly," Carlisle states bluntly as he manages to pull me to my feet. I stumble, but he grips onto my arm tightly while my mother pulls a large bottle of water out of the fridge and grabs a loaf of bread from the pantry. Then my parents walk me upstairs, all the way to the third floor, me blubbering like a fool the whole way. My father deposits me on my bed and grunts angrily at me, while my mother sits beside me and holds my head up so I can drink some water.

Carlisle yells at me, tells me how dangerous it is to drink that much a lot. Apparently I could've choked on my vomit and died. Well, so be it. Then I do something i've never done; I turn to Carlisle and yell "FUCK OFF!"

Esme gasps, while Carlisle looks like he wants to slap me. He's not a violent man, by any means, but I can tell i've enraged him.

"Edward Anthony Cullen!" Esme says, then she slaps me square across the face. "Don't you dare speak to your father like that! This is not how we raised you!"

Carlisle shakes his head at me and leaves the room, followed by my mother. I feel bad, terrible actually. I've alienated myself from not only Bella and my sister, but now my parents as well. I turn away every person that tries to help me and it's all because i'm a stupid, selfish bastard. Even realising this, however, I still know I'm going to mope in my bed. I'm not going to go downstairs and apologize to my father. Not tonight, anyway. I'll do it tomorrow. That's always my excuse...i'll do it _later_....

_Fucking grow some balls, Edward._

***

"Edward! What have you done to your wardrobe? It's all filth! Gah! You're lucky I bought you this new shirt," Alice chirps angrily, while I sit on my bed and cover my ears because she's just too fucking loud for my hangover.

"I don't know what's going on, you have free reign over it," I remind my sister, referring to my closet.

"Well you still need to take care with it! Stop moping too and get off your hungover ass. Go downstairs and apologise to Dad before he goes to work and grow some balls while your at it," Alice demands.

"I always find myself telling myself to grow balls," I say and Alice just looks at me like i'm a crazy fuck. Which I probably am. I get up from my bed and walk over to my bathroom, while Alice continues to prattle on and on and on and on because she's always going on and never shutting up. Fucking ADHD I swear.

I beat off in the shower, nothing out the norm. Imagining Bella. Imagining Bella's cum face. Her warm, wet and juicy folds. Her firm, round breasts. It's all too much and I cum within what seems like seconds, feeling mostly unsatisfied as usual.

I towel off and pull on my robe, then return to my bedroom. Just as I predicted, Alice has laid out an outfit for me to wear on the bed. I roll my eyes, then walk over to my chest of drawers to grab some boxer-briefs. Shame I forgot what was in the top drawer.

Bella's white cotton panties. Fuck.

I remember coming home from Bella's, after i'd given her an orgasm and she'd said she'd wanted space. I was miserable. Then I reached into the pocket of my jeans and felt the wet fabric. Wet with her juices. Then I fell down on my bed and cried like a little girl. Only Bella's panties could cause such a reaction in me. Or Bella in general.

How could I forget they were in there, right in my draw along with all my own briefs? I only beat off with said cotton panties in my hand every day and the next one. I quickly scrunch them up and throw them under the pillow on my bed before turning to assess the outfit Alice has laid out for me.

Grey jeans that Alice has nicknamed my "fuck me" jeans. They apparently make my ass look hot. Blue shirt. Uh yeah, okay sister. I throw on the outfit, then bound down the first set of stairs and knock on Alice's door. She opens with curlers and shit in her hair and she growls at me.

"Edward! I'm grooming!"

"Fuck, okay. I was just seeing what the plan was for tonight," I respond.

"See, this is why you need to listen to me and not tune me out!" Alice snaps. "I won't repeat this again, so listen up brother. First, we are going for dinner at the diner with Rose, Em and Jaz. Then we are going to Rose's for a little soiree." Great, fifth wheel. Maybe I should take Lauren up on her offer and call her just so I don't look like a pathetic fuck.

"Who the hell says soiree? What do you mean by that?"

"_I _say it and I mean the majority of our grade getting shitfaced at Rose's."

"Fine," I growl.

"Don't growl at me and stop acting pissy. Bella is going into Port Angeles with James tonight then she'll be stopping by the party and I swear to god, if she leaves with _him_, I'll have your balls on a platter."

Uh, fuck. Okay.

I drive Alice to Forks' tiny diner, where Rose, Jasper and Emmett are already waiting.

All the normal pleasantries and shit occur. We eat. We talk shit. Then we cruise by the bottle shop and Emmett and I go in and pick up some booze. Making friends with anyone who works at a bottle shop is always a good idea.

When we get to Rose's, the girls crank up the music and make cocktails. Emmett, Jaz and I decide to do some shots and we're happily buzzed by the time the rest of the crowd arrives. Tanya walks past me and gives me an evil look, oh yeah I was a bit of an asshole to her. Then Lauren passes me and raises her eyebrows at me and helps herself to a drink. Jessica Stanley walks past next. What is with all these chicks i've fucked walking past?

I suppose, it's kind of a hard thing to avoid. I have slept with a lot of girls. Next girl is Angela Weber. She smiles at me sincerely, then her boyfriend Ben waves at me. Finally, a girl I haven't tapped. But fuck, the next girl, I'd much rather be without. I haven't slept with her, even though she's damn hot. But fuck. I just don't want to go near her or touch her because she grosses me out. Victoria.

"Edward," she purrs. "What are you doing all on your lonesome?" She pushes her tits up, probably hoping i'll have a look. Which I do, because I can't help myself.

"I'll have you know, i'm content," I sigh then take a drink. "Where's James?"

"Oh, don't play stupid. He's on his date with Isabella. I'm sure you know that." I try to shrug it off, but Victoria's a persistent bitch. "I wouldn't be so worried, Eddie. James is just a sick fuck. He's very transparent, I'm sure that Bella sees through all his bullshit." I can't tell if she's taunting me or not. Maybe she knows that Bella actually does believe his crap. I turn to walk away from her, but her hand reaches out to me.

"Hey," she says softly. "Sorry. I wasn't trying to be a bitch. I'm just pissed."

"Why?" I ask, turning to face her.

"James dumped me for Bella Swan. I'm not exactly flattered." She looks down at her feet and I kind of feel bad for the chick. James can be manipulative. I wouldn't put it past him to lie about some fabricated feelings to Victoria so he can just keep her around for some ass on the side.

"He just wants to fuck her," I say in an attempt to comfort her. "Don't worry. Bella dumped me as a friend."

"Aw isn't that sad," Victoria mocks and I instantly take away my feelings of pity for her. Screw her. I go to to walk away and this time I don't turn around when she calls my name. I turn and bang into Emmett who is thoroughly sloshed. He pats me on the back and then twirls around, no doubt trying to find Rose.

I tear away from the crowd and wander up the stairs to find some quiet. I stumble across Rose's room and am surprised to find that it's not occupied by any horny teenagers. I lie back down on Rose's comfy king-sized bed and kick my shoes off and try to ignore the fact that she and Emmett frequently have sex in this bed. I'm weird and it's fowl, but I don't care. I'm sure she changes the sheets. Besides, I feel like ostricisingmyself. I sure am turning into an emo fuck.

It feels like I've drifted off to sleep, but then I hear a voice that could awaken me from the dead; Bella's voice.

"James," she giggles, but it seems forced. Almost like she's trying to diffuse the situation. "Someone is probably in Rose's room."

"Come on, Bella," James growls.

"Let's just go back downstairs," Bella says, her tone more serious.

"Naaaah, let's have a little fun," James slurs and I hear a light bang on the wall.

"I said I wanted to go back downstairs," Bella replies, this time her voice is more forceful. I don't want her to know i'm listening, but I don't want James trying to fondle her either. I get up from Rose's bed and walk over the door and open it to find James pressing Bella against the opposing wall. They're both caught up in the situation, so they don't feel my presence and i'm sure they can't hear me over the music blaring from downstairs.

"I said no," Bella states firmly, but James continues to press into her. She looks over his shoulder and she notices me and then her eyes widen, just as I pull James off her and slam him down on the ground and punch him square on the nose. "Edward!" Bella cries and she jumps over James, who has deposited himself on the floor and throws herself in my arms, sobbing.

James makes a lurch for my leg, but I kick that fucker away and his head hits the wall, knocking him out.

At that moment, Emmett and Jasper appear at the top of the stairwell and I indicate to James, passed out on the floor. They smile at me and point back down the stairs. Bella and I walk past them, while they walk over to James.

"Well well, what have we hear?" I hear Emmett ask playfully just as Bella and I head back downstairs.

"Bells, are you okay?" I ask Bella once we're safely outside the house and on the front porch so we can have some peace and actually hear one another over the music.

"I'm so sorry. I should've listened to you. It became obvious all he wanted was sex the minute he picked me up. We drove to Port Angeles and he kept feeling my thigh, but I just tried to dismiss it. Then all through the movie, he was practically groping me. It made me really uncomfortable, but truthfully, I was scared of what he'd do if I objected. Finally, I convinced him to bring me here and then he forced me upstairs. I played along in the hopes that he'd stop pushing me...well, you know what happened next."

I don't stay anything, merely pull Bella closer to my chest. "It was awful," she sobs. "I hardly let him touch me and it was still awful. I just kept thinking about you and how I should've listened to you."

"It's okay, Bells. As long as you're okay, then i'm okay," I assure her, then I pull her onto my lap and lightly kiss her on the forehead.

"I miss you," Bella sighs. "It feels like it's been weeks, rather than days."

"I miss you, too," I agree. "Friends?"

"Friends," Bella agreess.

"Do you want to get out of here?" I suggest.

"I thought you'd never ask," Bella laughs.

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**A/N**: Sorry took me a while to update, but this chapter is longer than what I usually do! Got some juiciness planned for next chappy. The more you review, the faster it'll be posted!


	8. Comfort

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters. I'd like some undies with Edward's face on them, however.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**Previously**: Bella and Edward make up after James attacks Bella.

**A/N**: I have absolutely no idea when college acceptance letters are delivered, so sorry if i'm way off.

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**COMFORT**

"Do you want to get out of here?" I suggest.

"I thought you'd never ask," Bella laughs. "Although, I think I should drive seeing as you seem quite happily buzzed. If I have permission, of course." I nod my head and smile, while Bella giggles. "Wow. You really must've missed me if you're trusting me with your car."

"You bet," I say, then open the drivers side door for her. Bella raises her eyebrows at my attempt at chivalry, but gets into the car nonethless.

"Thank you, Monsieur," Bella chuckles as she starts up the engine. I tell her we can go to my house, so she drives all the way over there, carefully, might I add. I'm glad to be away from James and that stupid party because all it does is remind me of this facade i've constructed for myself. At least Bella knows who I am deep down, even if she doesn't know my deepest, darkest secret.

"Lets never fight again," Bella vows as she walks into my bedroom and sits herself delicately down on the middle of my bed, her feet tucked up underneath her. I agree, then sit down beside her.

"Sorry, I know you probably don't want to talk about it...but why did you want to go on a date with James? I'm not mad, I'm honestly just curious."

"It...it's okay, i'll talk to you about it. It's just stupid, though. I thought maybe that he was a nice guy underneath and maybe he was just lonely and misunderstood...like someone else I know. I know that's a stupid excuse, but I can't keep clinging to you, E. You're the only one who sees the real me and I think i'm the only one who sees the real you, you know?"

I nod my head in agreeance and Bella continues, "You really are my best friend. You're the best person I know."

"We both know that isn't true. I've done a lot of shady things," I remind Bella.

"I don't care what you've done. At your core, you are a good person," Bella states and I can't agree, but I don't want to fight her on it so I decide to change the subject altogether.

"Excited to be going to Dartmouth?" I ask.

"Did you already get your acceptance letter?" Bella asks, then she looks concerned.

"No, but the Doctor tells me i'm a shoe-in. I think they'll be arriving sometime this week."

"Oh," Bella sighs, thens he looks down in her lap. I pull her chin up and ask her whats wrong, but she shrugs out of my hold and blows it off. "Just nervous. I'll tell you what I am excited about though? Graduation!" Oh trust her to bring this up. She must be extremely horny lately because with her I swear it's sex sex sex. Or maybe it's my own obsession that has lead me to think that.

"Oh?"

"Edward, you didn't think i'd forgotten?" Bella says softly.

"I didn't think you'd want to," I reply.

"Of course I want too. I'm dying to test the infamous Edward Cullen. Not to mention, no way in hell am I going to college a virgin," Bella states confidently.

"I'm hurt, you're just using me for sex," I gasp in mock horror.

"Never!" Bella chuckles. "Although after that night in my bedroom, I can see why a girl would. That was amazing. Speaking of which, I still haven't paid you back."

"You don't have – " I begin, but Bella silences me by placing her finger over my lips.

"I know I don't _have_ to, but I _want_ to."

"Bella – " I begin, but i'm cut off when she once again covers my mouth with her fingers.

"No more talking," she whispers seductively as she swings her legs over so she's resting on her knees in between my thighs. She runs her hands along my chest and then leans forward and lightly kisses along my neck, before unbuttoning the shirt and moving it across my shoulders so she can have access to my collarbone. She nips lightly at it, then moves her head up to my level. I'm not sure whether it's what she intended, but I lean forward to meet her lips with a kiss.

It's deep and passionate, most definitely not a kiss between friends, more like lovers. If she's even noticed this, Bella doesn't seem to care in the slightest. She knots her fingers in my hair and pulls her body tightly against mine so her hips are meeting mine. I'm sure she can feel how turned on I am, but I don't care. This is just too fucking good. She tastes like cherry and cinnamon and Bella. Almost as good as her _lower_ lips.

"Edward," she moans, then she thrusts forward, rubbing her core against my erection which is straining against my too-tight-for-now jeans. "Mhm," she moans again as she continues to rub herself against me. "Someone is...well...happy at the moment," Bella chuckles and then she rises up from my body, so she snake her hand down to my cock and palm it through my jeans. I growl in frustration and jerk my hips up.

"Patience," she teases as she nips at my ear. "Good things _come_ to those who wait."

I pull her face back to mine and kiss her again, snaking my tongue in between her lips. She sighs softly, then puts her hands back in my hair and presses her chest against mine. "You keep distracting me from my goal," she chuckles, then she moves her face away from me and kisses along my collarbone again while her little fingers work at unbuttoning my shirt.

She manages to undo all the buttons, then she runs her hands across my bare chest until she reaches my shoulders. She then pushes the shirt down my arms and I lean forward and toss the thing down onto the floor. Her hands go down to my jeans, but then she stops. "Hrm...we need to get comfortable, lord knows I can't be fucked getting on my knees down there," she says as she points to the floor. Oh. _Oh_.

She grabs my pillows and I lean forward while she fluffs them up from behind me so I can sit up, but then she stops and sits back up. "Edward Anthony Cullen!" She huffs. Oh shit, what have I done now? "I can't believe you have these," she growls, then she thrusts her white cotton panties in my face. Crap. I forgot I'd hidden them under there. I'm an idiot of epic proportion, fuck!

"Oh, shit, Bells," I stutter. "I'm sorry, they're from that night we....we'll I went down... I'm sorry."

"That doesn't explain why they're under your fucking PILLOW!" She growls, then she jumps up from my lap.

"I'm sorry...they just smell nice," I admit, then Bella slaps me.

"You're disgusting, wash these!" She retorts, then she gets up from the bed and walks across the room and throws the panties in my laundry hamper. I'll have to remember to get those out before Esme does the washing. Bella walks over to the door and places her hand on the handle.

"Hey, i'm sorry. Please don't leave. We're not going to fight anymore, remember?" I beg.

"I'm not leaving. I'm just making sure the door is locked," she says, then giggles cheekily while she saunters back over to the bed. "To be honest, it kind of turns me on that you've kept my panties. Tell me, what do you do with them?"

"I...umm.....I like to....smell them....when I....ohhh!" I groan as Bella runs her fingers up my bare chest.

"Yes?"

"When I....god!" She grounds herself against me, pressing her core against my groin. "Okay! When I beat off!" I sigh, exasperated. Bella chuckles, then lowers her hands to my jeans and fiddles with the buttons before undoing them in a few swift movements, for which I'm thankful. I lift my hips from the bed, then Bella shimmies my jeans down my legs, then rests her hands on my bare thighs.

"You're...happy," she notes as she gazes at my erection which is straining against my boxer briefs. "I don't think you are happy enough though. Not yet anyway." Bella chuckles, then she moves her hands up to rest on the band of the stupid underpants I happen to be wearing. Why the hell did I just not go commando?

"Bella," I groan. I feel like i'm going to explode if one of us doesn't do something, and soon.

"Okay, Eddie," she laughs, then she pulls the offensive boxer briefs down my legs, shimmying down with them. "Maybe I should keep these, you know, payback." She scrunches them up and shoves them down into the back pocket of her jeans, then she crawls up and perches herself in between my bare legs.

"Oh, my," she gasps as she casts her gaze over my now freed erection. "Wow. It's....well, pretty." I look at her confused. I wouldn't exactly call dick pretty. "No, honestly. It's a nice looking penis," she observes, then she reaches up in an innocent gesture to touch it. My body reacts and my hips rise and jerk up to her touch. Thinking i've scared Bella, I expect her to pull away, but she doesn't.

Bella gently takes my length in her hand and begins to lightly stroke me, then she shocks me by reaching down to her jeans and unbuttoning them. She snakes her hands down them and rubs gently for a few moments, before removing her hand. It's glistening with her juices and I have to fight the urge to lean forward and lick it all off. Bella rubs her hands together, then spits on them and returns them to my cock. Fuck me. Lubrication.

She continues to stroke me, then lowers her head and begins slowly to repeatedly lick me from scrotum to tip. She pulls me deeper into her mouth, then lightly licks across the tip and I feel like i'm going to loose it right now. Fuck. She's too good at this and we've only just started. One of her hands reaches down to cup my balls, whilst the other one holds me and grips at the base of my cock where her mouth can't reach.

Bella sucks me into her mouth deeper and I eagerly thrust up to meet her actions. She moves down to suck at my scrotum, then rises back up and licks across my tip. She builds up a rhythm and bobs her head up and down on my dick, taking me as far into her mouth as she can. Her hands fondle my balls, then occasionally rise up to stroke my shaft.

"Fuck," I groan out and Bella speeds up her movements. I can feel my climax coming on and I think Bella can too because she makes her movements harder and faster and then sucks me even deeeper. "Bella....fuck...." I groan again just as I feel my cum shoot out of my cock and straight into Bella's waiting mouth, who gulps it all back.

"Mhm....you taste so good," she moans, then she sits up and opens her eyes. She swallows all of it eagerly, whilst a drop of it drips down from her lips to her chin. She uses her finger to push it back to her lips and she licks it up before returning to my cock and sucking the remains from the tip. Once she's done, I pull her body back up so she's lying beside me. I lightly kiss her on her forehead, then wrap my arms around her. "Yummy," she giggles.

"That was....amazing...you're exquisite, _my Bella_," I purr.

"Mhm....Edward," she murmers. "Can I borrow some pyjamas?"

"Sure," I reply as I get up from the bed. I walk over to my dresser and pull out one of my t-shirts and a pair of boxers, then hand them to Bella who happily strips off her clothes without giving it a second thought, revealing a blue lacy thong and a practically transparent matching bra. She pulls on my boxers and then throws the shirt on and then unhooks her bra and pulling it through one of the sleeves. She jumps into my bed and curls back up under the covers. I quickly follow her lead and throw on some boxers, then get into my bed beside my love.

Bella curls up beside me and sighs, "goodnight," and then she's out like a light. I lie there next to her and decide I have to tell her. I can't drive a wedge between us, she needs to know. I want to do everything right by her though, clean up my shit. The perfect opportunity presents itself when I hear my father come in from work.

I carefully pull out from Bella's embrace and quietly walk over to my door, shutting it behind me, then head downstairs.

Carlisle is in the kitchen making himself a sandwich, still wearing his scrubs. He looks up at me, nods slightly, then returns to making his food.

"Hey dad," I say casually, whilst trying to figure out exactly what to say to him.

"Edward," he replies curtly, then he brushes past me to leave the kitchen.

"Wait," I call after him and he slowly turns and looks at me, an annoyed expression playing on his features. He also looks tired, but beneath all that, he still looks concerned for me, his son. Even though I betrayed him and cursed at him.

"I'm sorry," I begin. Carlisle turns towards me and evens the space between us, then places his sandwich down on the server, like he's going to hear me out. "I...I was out of line and it was completely disrespectful of me to swear at you. I had no right. I'm really sorry."

"Would you mind explaining your attitude to me, son? I don't appreciate foul language, especially from you, Edward. That is not how your mother and I raised you. I was only trying to help you."

"I know. I'm sorry. I was just being an idiot and I was drunk, so that didn't help," I mumble nervously. The truth is, as genuine and kind as my father is, he intimidates me. Probably because i'll never be him. I'm too selfish.

"That's another thing I don't agree with. I do not condone underage drinking by any means, but I allow it because I know you'll do it anyway. I just wish you wouldn't drink so much. It's terrible. You don't want to kill your liver, son. I'm a doctor, yet I can't even ensure my own son is healthy," Carlisle lectures. "Also, if you ever speak to me in that manner again, I can assure you I will take your car away. I will take your credit card away. For now, you're getting away with a warning because you were inebriated. I'm hoping you wouldn't ever speak that way to me whilst sober. "

"Yes, I understand. I'm sorry and I know there's no real excuse, my head is just messed up."

"You should talk things through, then. I know you wont talk to me, but what about your mother? Or your sister? If not, maybe you should seek professional help."

"Dad, I don't need professional help," I cut in. "It's just....welll....when you first fell in love with Mom, didn't that make you a little irrational?"

"I suppose so," Carlisle replies and I can tell he's softening up. "But what does love have to do with any of this?"

"I'm in love...with a girl..." I mumble awkwardly, looking at my feet, rather than my father.

"Bella, yes. So?"

"What do you mean 'Bella'?" I question. Just how much does the doctor pick up on?

"She's who you are in love with, yes? You finally realised what has been obvious to myself and your mother for a long time, although that doesn't explain your behaviour."

"It's frustrating. Being close to her, but not telling her how I feel," I admit.

"Well tell her," Carlisle states.

"She's my best friend – "

"She's also in love with you," Carlisle cuts in. "Don't argue with me, it's obvious she is. Just tell her. I didn't raise you to be a coward, either. Where is she now?"

"Upstairs..."

"Well? Go tell her. I'm going to have a shower," Carlisle says, then he walks out of the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Eh fuck, no time like the present. I bound over to the stairs, because I know if I don't do it fast, i'll convince myself it's a bad idea. I leap up the stairs, two at a time before coming to a stop right in front of my bedroom door.

I'm still standing there ten minutes later, when dad walks up and wordlessly opens the door for me. He gives me a pat on the back, before pushing the door open and then pushing me into the room. I turn back around, but am met with the door shutting in my face so I know I have to turn back to the bed. Bella is sprawled out across it, her hair fanned out around her head.

I gently sit down on the bed beside her and she stirs.

"Edward?" She calls, her voice thick with sleep.

"I'm here, love," I reply and a smile plays on her lips.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, it's fine. I just want...need....to talk to you about something important. Do you want me to wait until the morning when you're more coherent?"

"No, no. I'm coherent," Bella smiles at me and sits up beside me. "What is it?"

"I don't want you to freak out and I just want to know that you'll still be my best friend?"

"Of course," Bella says.

"Okay...here goes. Bella....I....."

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**A/N**: Cliffie! I'm sorry...I couldn't help myself. Okay for this chapter, I want more reviews that I got for last chapter. I don't get many reviews so that shouldn't be hard, but still, please? I want to know people actually care about my story or if it's just crap!


	9. Truth

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters. I'd like some undies with Edward's face on them, however.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**Previously**: Edward is about to tell Bella he loves her.

**A/N**: There's a line in here I stole from the gossip girl episode "O brother, where bart thou?". See if you gossip girl fans can pick it up. Sorry for the cliffie last chapter too...it was mean. Thank you so much for all the reviews. I really appreciate it :) Sorry for not updating sooner either.

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**TRUTH **

"Okay...here goes. Bella....I....." I trail off. This is harder than I thought. "Fuck!"

"E?" Bella prompts. "You can tell me."

"What if it's too bad and it scares you away?"

"Edward, you should know by now that the worst thing you've ever done—the darkest thought you've ever had—I will stand by you through anything," Bella says softly and picks up my hand. I look up and her deep brown eyes bore into me and I know now, this is it. Our friendship can't continue to hang on the edge of a knife. Then I hear a knock on my door.

"Edward? Are you home?" Alice calls.

"Alice i'm busy, go away!" I call back. "Please," I add.

Alice makes a growl-like sound from behind the door.

No. No interuptions. I'm telling her tonight. I hear Alice curse at me, but she stomps back downstairs to her room nonetheless. Maybe she'll encounter Carlisle along the way so I don't have to explain why Bella is about to run out of my room and say she hates me. Okay stop thinking like that, Edward. Bella is waiting.

"E....please tell me. We don't keep things from eachother."

"It's important Bella, I need you word. Don't hate me."

"I could never, ever hate you," Bella whispers.

"Bella," I say, then squeeze her hand tighter. "I'm in love with you." I look away from her eyes and down into my lap.

"W-what?" Bella stutters, then she lets go of my hand and buries her face in her hands. "Ed...wa....no. That's....no E," she mumbles incoherently. "That just makes no sense, Edward. Why would you love me?"

"I just love you okay? It doesn't matter. I knew you didn't feel the same way. It's okay, I mean why would would you feel the same way about me? I told Alice and Dad...but no....okay, no. I'm just going to go downstairs," I ramble, then I get up from the bed and walk over to my door. Fuck. That couldn't've gone any worse. I don't care what Carlisle says, I need a stiff drink.

"Edward!" Bella calls, just as I'm about to walk out of my door. I turn slightly, because I can feel her presence behind me. Bella yanks on my arm so I turn fully around to face her. Tears are freely streaming down her face, so I reach up to wipe them away. She leans into my touch and closes her eyes, then she smiles a sweet, but reserved smile.

I move my hand away, just as Bella opens her eyes. She looks straight at me and I feel so vulnerable and scared, but then she leans forward and wraps her arms around my waist. I hug her back and I can feel her tears on my chest. She pulls away from me and looks up at me and it's too overwhelming, I just want to get away from the girl i'm in love with because it hurts. But then she stands on the tips of her toes and licks her lips.

Then she's kissing me, with more passion than I've ever felt. Bella wraps her arms around my neck and I tighten my hold on her waist. I don't care about the reason, I just need to be close to her one last time. "Edward," she moans when she finally pulls away. I try to step away, but she pulls onto me tighter and frees one of her hands so she can pull my face in line with hers.

"Edward, I love you too," she whispers and she crashes her lips to mine again. She loves me? _No_? Yes! She loves me!

I pull away so I can look into her eyes and Bella is purely beaming up at me.

"I can't believe you feel the way i've felt for so long," she breathes.

"Bella," I sigh. "I only realised how I felt about a year ago, but i'm sure i've loved you for as long as I've known you. How couldn't I?"

"Oh Edward," Bella moans before she kisses me again. "It's all so surreal. I'm sorry for scaring you, it's just when you told me my mind went blank. It's the thing i've been waiting to hear for so long."

"That doesn't matter. Just so long as you're here and you want to be with me and you feel how I feel, everything will be okay. I love you, my Bella," I sigh.

"I love you," Bella replies simply as she lets her hand lie on my cheek. "I love you so much. It feels amazing to finally say it. I love you. I love you. I've loved you since we were freshman and now you....god....E! I just really love you," she laughs.

"And I really _really_ love you," I say then I pull Bella into my arms and lift her straight off the ground. She rests both her arms around my neck, while I hold her around the waist. Bella then wraps her legs around my waist and we share a fiery kiss whilst I walk us over to my bed and lay us down. "Mhm, Bella," I moan in between kisses and I lie down in between her legs.

Bella claws at the bare skin of my back and I suddenly feel very naked in nothing but my boxers despite our previous actions tonight. My already erect manhood is getting dangerously close to Bella's core and clothed or not, I'm still a bit wary. "Bella, baby...we need to stop before we get carried away."

"I want to get carried away," Bella growls, then she clings onto my neck and presses her lips to mine again.

"Bell...ah....." I manage between kisses and finally Bella sits up, releases me and then sighs in irritation. "I'm sorry, love. I just want it to be special." I couldn't ever curse Bella by having meaningless sex with her. Of course it wouldn't be meaningless, but it would remind me of those times with girls like Lauren and Tanya and that's not a good association to have with making to love to my beautiful best friend...or girlfriend I guess now?

"Oh you aren't going to make me wait to graduation?" Bella laughs.

"Actually, I think that's a good idea. Then you still have time to back out," I reply.

"Why would I back out?"

"What if you see who I really am and you can't be in a relationship with me?" I question.

"Edward that's stupid. I already told you that i'm here for you through anything. I love you and you can't talk me out of it and I know that you will do anything you can for me. Not many guys would have the courage to say what you did. I didn't even have the courage to say it. No one is backing out of anything, okay?"

"I love you," I reply simply because that's all I can think to say and Bella crawls up my body and sits on my lap. I pull her tightly to my chest and whisper _I love you_ in her ear over and over and kiss her lightly along her shoulders and neck. Bella turns in my lap so she's facing me and wraps her arms around my waist and then we're kissing. It's something that I just can't seem to get enough of because Bella tastes amazing and because she feels the same way I do about her.

"Does this mean I still have to wait?" Bella pouts.

"My family are all home," I remind her.

"I'm sure I can manage to be quiet," she giggles.

"Not now, Bells. I'll get you a hotel. Just you wait," I say then Bella sighs and moves off me and onto the bed so she can lie down.

"Hey, E?"

"Yes?"

"Does this mean you're, like, my boyfriend?" Bella chuckles.

"I guess so, girlfriend. Those words seem so insignificant to how we feel though, don't you think?"

"Yeah," Bella sighs. "Anyways, despite everything, I _was_ sleeping and I am tired. Do you mind if I go to sleep?"

"Not at all. I'm taking you on a date tomorrow so you need your rest," I chuckle.

Bella rolls her eyes at me and then she's asleep again before I know it. I crawl under the covers beside her and wrap my arms around her waist and fall into an easy sleep.

***

My body feels warm as I wake up on this Sunday morning. I squeeze my eyes tight, hoping to fit in some more sleep, but it continues to evade me. That's when I realise the heat is also pressure, as if a human body is half on top of me. Oh crap. Who did I bring home last night? I wish things could be like in my dreams when I finally told Bella I loved her and she loved me back.

I try to go back to sleep, but the someone in my bed keeps proding me and telling me to get up. "Get up for fucks sake!" She growls. I open my eyes to find none other than Bella leaning over me.

"It wasn't a dream?" I ask and images of sharing several passionate kisses with Bella flood my mind.

"Obviously not, idiot," Bella replies then hits me softly with a pillow. "Sorry to interrupt your beauty sleep, but i'm hungry and i'm too embarassed to go downstairs. You aren't normally this confused in the morning."

"Why are you embarassed?"

"Because I just stayed the night in bed with a boy whom I love. Said boy's parents are also downstairs. Awkward much?"

"Bella you already know my parents," I remind her. "How is it any different?"

"Because! It just is!" She pouts and I roll my eyes at her.

"I thought it was just a dream," I say.

"I thought that too....until I rolled over and almost right on top of you. Did you sleep well?"

"Best night's sleep i've had in a long time," I answer.

"Me too," Bella agrees, a large smile crosses her face and she laughs. "I still can't believe any of this. So what's on the agenda for today?"

"I did tell you I had a date planned, but I will feed you first. Come on," I say as I stand up from my bed and pull Bella up from it. She wraps her arms around my waist and I do the same to her and in this moment, everything feels right and perfect. Bella is here with me and she loves me.

We walk down the stairs, hand in hand to find Esme fussing around in the kitchen, while Carlisle sits at the bench with a coffee, reading over the paper with Alice. They all look up at mine and Bella's arrival, but I don't let go of her hand. Carlisle smiles at me knowingly, while Alice eyes us suspiciously.

"Morning Bella, Edward," Esme greets us, thankfully breaking the silence. I assume Carlisle has filled her in, because she goes back to making the eggs without another glance at us.

"Um, sorry for yelling at you last night," I turn to Alice and say. She sighs, then smiles at Bella and I.

"It's okay. I didn't know Bella came back here. What are you two up to today? I think I'm going to invite the gang over to go in the spa."

"Uh, sounds good. Bells and I won't be here though," I reply.

"And why is that brother bear?"

"I'm taking Bella someplace special," I state confidently, pulling Bella into my chest. I see Carlisle smirk at me, while Esme offers me an encouraging smile.

"Oh that's wonderful!" Alice chirps. "Oh can I dress you Bella? Please? Oh you'll look so beautiful! Oh and I think we need to go shopping soon seeing as you have Edward's clothes on. You need more nightwear!"

"Woah, Al. Chillax," Bella soothes. "You can dress me if you must." More squeals erupt.

I whisper to Alice where i'm taking Bella and she runs her upstairs as soon as we're done with breakfast. When it gets to twelve, I knock impatiently on Alice's door, then head back downstairs to grab everything for mine and Bella's date.

Finally, Alice summons me to the bottom of the stairs and says that Bella is ready.

Bella appears, slowly descending the staircase and she looks beautiful. Alice obeyed my orders to dress her appropriately for today's activities, but still added the Alice-twist. Bella reaches me, clad in flat tennis shoes, jean shorts and a short-sleeved blue top. Her beautiful chocolate hair waves down over her shoulders. "You look nice," I murmer against her lips before crashing mine to hers. Our lips fight against one another for several moments, until Alice clears her throat loudly, forcing Bella and I to step apart.

"You should get going so you're back before dark," Alice says. With that, I escort Bella out to the Volvo.

"Where are you taking me?" Bella asks on the ride. I shake my head at her and try to keep a smile off my face. "Well fine then. Don't tell me. At least i'm wearing flat shoes, that's a good sign." We finally get to our destination and Bella gives me a skeptical look. "Why are we standing outside the forest?"

"I'm taking you into the forest, someplace special," I reply as I take her hand. "Come on, it's not that far."

Bella and I traipse through the forest for almost half an hour before I can see my special place coming up, behind the trees. I take Bella's hand and walk her through the trees and into the beautiful clearing, which I've come to know as my own personal fortress of solitude. My meadow.

The meadow is small, perfectly round, and filled with wild-flowers of every colour and if I listen closely, I can hear the bubbling music of the stream near by. I was lucky in that the sun was out and directly overhead, filling the circle with a haze of buttery sunshine.

"Oh Edward, it's beautiful," Bella comments. "How did you find it?"

"Sometimes I just want to get away from everything. I just came for a walk one day, I kept walking until I found it. I can be here alone and I can think. That's why I didn't even tell you. Sometimes i'd come here and think about you. The air is so fresh and pure here thatit made me believe i'd have the strength the tell you how I feel."

"Edward," Bella sighed. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For just showing me the true you. Without the facade or the boundaries, just Edward. I always thought I knew who you really were, but now it's like a whole new dimension has been added. I love you."

"I love you too," I reply. I softly lean in to kiss Bella and then gently lower her body down to the soft grass of the meadow. We roll around and kiss for several minutes, before Bella brushes the grass of her body in an attempt to compose herself.

I reach over to my backpack and pull out a bottle of water for Bella and one for myself, then we lie back down and stare up into the clear blue sky.

Everything in this moment is pure bliss because Bella is at my side.

"Bella?"

"Mhm?" she sighs.

"When we go away – to college, that is – how would you feel about us getting a apartment together?" I ask.

"I thought that was the plan all along."

"Well, yes. I just wasn't sure if it was too soon for that now that things are well, different between us. I'd hate to think if it didn't work out," I express my worries. I decide I need to be completely honest with Bella, otherwise we're never going to get anywhere with this relationship.

"I'd like to think that we'd do anything to be and stay together, one way or another," Bella replies simply and I know she's right. I would do _anything_ for her.

Bella rests with her head on my chest while the sun beams down on us. The conversation moves along easily. We discuss college, our families, eachother, school and it's just so....easy. Effortless. The way I imagine that relationships are supposed to be. I've never exactly had a girlfriend. Just girls i've fucked. I'd say I was missing out – but if those girls weren't Bella, how could I enjoy a relationship with them?

It begins to get dark, so I gather Bella and our things up and we begin the walk back out of the forest and to my waiting car.

"I don't want to be apart from you," Bella sighs as I walk her to her front door.

"If I had my way, we'd never be apart," I say, "but you wouldn't want Charlie to starve. I'll pick you up for school tomorrow."

"Okay," Bella whispers, then she stands on her toes so she can plant a gentle kiss on my cheek, whilst holding my around the waist. I return the hug and pull away just as she whispers, "I love you."

"I love you too," I reply before walking back over to my Volvo.

***

"Edward! Details, now!" Alice chirps as I walk into my bedroom. "Please?"

"I finally told her, Al," I state simply.

"Yay! I'm so proud you finally grew some balls!" Alice squeals.

"Goodnight Alice," I say as I push her over to my door, then return to my bed and my thoughts of Bella.

----------------

**AN: **A nice fluffy chapter. Once again, way sorry it took ages to update. I find fluff can be difficult to write and keep consistent so I guess that's my excuse!


	10. Bliss

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters. I'd like some undies with Edward's face on them, however.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**Previously**: Edward finally tells Bela he loves her and she loves him back. He then takes her to the meadow.

**A/N**: Yeah once again, i'm just making up when college letters come. Sorry it took so long to update. I'm a fail, I know. Sometimes life just becomes more important than fanfiction. Shock horror! Okay just letting you know I didn't plan for this to be a long story so this will be the second last chapter. I pretty much hate this chapter, I think it's poorly written and for that i'm sorry.

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**BLISS**

I'm happy. So damn happy. I didn't know people could even feel this happy without their insides bursting. But here I stand, with my beautiful Bella, our fingers twined as we walk into school together. Bella whispers "I love you," like she has so many times since last weekend. The weekend that truly changed my life for the better. Even school can't put me in a bad mood.

James and Victoria – who have taken to sitting at the opposite end of the cafeteria – can't put me in a bad mood. Teachers droning on and on can't put me in a bad mood. That little letter that is due in the post – now that _might_ put me in a bad mood. If i'd let myself think about the bad consequences, too much. I'm sure i'll get into Dartmouth, very sure. Bella, however, despite her brilliance – doesn't have the connection that my family does. Not that it matters. I'll go wherever she does, whether that be to Dartmouth or the University of Alaska. I just know that if she doesn't get in, she'll be upset and that's something I can't bear to see.

Our prom is tomorrow night and I'd hate for there to be this negative air because of college. It just isn't worth it. I always thought college was my ticket out of Forks – when i'd truly grow and evolve. I'd grow out of my asshole ways and I'd learn new things and finally have some direction in my life. That's all well and great, except now, my only direction is whatever involves Bella. I just need to be with her.

"I'm so excited for prom!" Alice squeals, as I take my seat at our usual table beside Bella. "I can't believe it's finally here and that we'll be graduating soon. It's crazy. Oh Jazzy!" Alice throws herself into Jasper's lap and kisses him frantically. Of course, they're both going to Harvard. That was assured long ago. Rose is smiling at her best friend and brother, because she too is so sure of her's and Emmett's fate. They're both going to Yale. We're all ivy league couples – yes i'm determined Bella and I will be included it that. Who would've though Forks High could've produced that?

"I actually am excited," Bella comments. "I mean, I am going to prom with an incredibly sexy guy...."

"Oh," I gasp, feigning shock. "Why didn't you tell me about this incredibly sexy guy sooner?"

"I just love to torture you, Eddie," Bella jokes as she leans in for a kiss. I comply and I can hear Emmett wolf-whistling while I hungrily attack Bella's lips.

"Get a room," Rose laughs.

"Like you two can talk. You guys don't even need a room, just a broom closet," Jasper states. Then before I know it, our whole table is bickering at one another. I'm really going to miss these guys.

"Ooh-kay, girls," Alice addresses Rose and Bella. "Tomorrow, we're meeting at Rose's at eleven. Jasper, you're not allowed to be home. You're going to my place along with Edward and Emmett. Then us girls will all go over there and meet you before our limo takes us to the function centre."

"Okay, Al," us guys agree. We know better than to argue with my little sister. She may be small, but believe me – she's certainly capable of a big attack.

I drive by Bella's after school, so she can check the mail and of course; there's a letter from Dartmouth. She takes a deep breath before tucking it in her bag, then we speed over to mine. I check the mail also, finding a letter from Dartmouth of the same size.

"Fuck," I sigh. "Bella what if neither of us gets in? Or only one of us?"

"It'll work itself out," Bella assures me as we take our seats at the kitchen bench. I nervously fiddle with the envelop in my hand until Bella says "Okay, let's just do it." She quickly rips at her envelope and takes our the letter within, while I follow her lead. Now instead of envelopes, we just have the letters. "We flip them over, on the count of three."

"Three, two.....one," Bella counts.

I flip my letter over nervously, then open it up;

_Dear Mr Cullen, _it reads_, I am very pleased to inform you of your acceptance into Dartmouth University as a freshman for Fall 2009._

And that's all I need to read. None of the other crap matters, except for Bella. Lucky for me, she has a letter identical mine, with the exception of Dear _Ms Swan_.

"We got in!" Bella cheers.

I lift Bella up from her stool and place her on the bench, holding her in my arms. She wraps her legs around my waist and her arms tighten around my neck and she's squealing – because we got in to fucking Dartmouth! "Yes! Yes!" Bella exclaims. "Oh E!" She giggles and then my mother just has to clear her throat and make her presence known as she walks into the kitchen.

"Not on the bench, Edward," she says sharply.

"Oh Mrs Cullen! We weren't doing _that_! We got into Dartmouth!" Bella exclaims.

"Congratulations! Still though, please get away from the bench," my mother chuckles. "I make your meals there."

"You know me mom, I'm a virgin! I'd never, ever do anything raunchy. Especially not on the kitchen bench," I lie. I probably would, knowing me. Not that mine and Bella's relationship has had much progression, aside from oral and hand jobs. That's my doing, though, believe it or not – i'm planning something special for the post-graduation celebrations.

"Yes and I'm George Bush," my mother says in response to my virgin comment. She's wise to my slutty ways, but Hey! I'm reformed now! "I'm going for dinner with Rosalie and Jasper's mother, you should call your father at the hospital and let him know." With that, she walks from the kitchen.

Bella unhooks herself from me and I take my mother's advice and call the good doctor. He's thrilled, of course. He went to Dartmouth, as did his father and his father's father before him. God forbid me from breaking the tradition. It sucks i've got to spend a ridiculous amount of years in college so I can become a doctor, though. I do want to be a doctor, a paediatric oncologist to be specific. It just sucks because that means it'll be a while before I can truly start my life with Bella. Wait....where did that come from? We just started dating!

I shake the thought away and walk back over to my beaming Bella. "I should get home and get dinner ready for Charlie," she whispers. "Although, when I think I tell him i'm going away to college with _you_, he'll be less than thrilled."

"Does he know...we're, you know, together?" I ask.

"He's always thought we were secretly together," Bella laughs. "But yes, he does know and he can't stop us living together. He likes you though, I'm sure it will be okay."

"Maybe to be safe, you should hide his gun," I suggest. Bella playfully slaps me and giggles in response, then lets herself out of the kitchen and walks over to my car.

"Until tomorrow then," I sigh as I drop her off at her place.

"Mhm, prom," Bella whispers. "Okay, see you then. I love you."

"I love you too," I reply.

I see Bella's father's police cruiser driving up the street, so I bolt out of there. Sure he liked me before, but i'm not too keen on sticking around to see if he still thinks of me as fondly. Guess i'll have to find out tomorrow....

The following morning, Alice wakes me up and informs me she's going to Rose's place. Why I should care is beyond me. I go downstairs and see that my father is home, must have the day off work.

"Morning, Edward," he greets me.

"Hi dad," I reply as I sit down at the kitchen bench with a bowl of cereal. "Day off work?"

"Yes, which is good. I can see you off to prom. I'm glad you're awake though. I wanted to talk to you about Dartmouth."

"Uh yeah? What about it?" I ask.

"I was just wondering whether you will be staying at the dorms?"

"Uh, no," I reply. "Why's that?"

"You'll be staying with Bella, then?"

"Yes." Isn't that obvious, old man?

"Are you sure that's a good idea, son? I mean sure, you've been best friends for a long time, but living together? That's a bit intense. You two are so young and sometimes you fail to see what you truly need, rather than want," Carlisle lectures.

"I know what I want. I want Bella. I love her and I want to live with her and if you can't accept that, well that's your problem," I hiss. "You know what? I'm happy and I don't care what you say. I'm doing what I want. I don't think i'm hungry anymore." With that, I dump my bowl in the sink like a fucking girl and walk out of the kitchen. Stupid meddling Carlisle.

He can go and get fucked. He probably thinks i'll jeopardise my medical career or some fucked up Carlisle shit like that. Wow, I really need to stop thinking all these swears.

The night passes without event, aka, it's boring as fuck because i'm alone and Alice has forbidden me from seeing Bella the night before prom acting like it's some fucking ritual. I feel like it's the night before our wedding day. Alice is ridiculous, I swear it.

I drift off to sleep and am woken by the screech of the alarm signalling that it's 10:30 and I do indeed need to get up so I can get Jasper out of his house before the girl invasion.

I take my time in the shower, lathering myself up and even washing my hair (as per Alice's request). Then, I head over to Jasper's, picking up Emmett along the way. We apparently have to pick out corsages. "You should've done this ages ago, mister!" Alice scoffed earlier. "Make sure Emmett has one for Rose." I knew what she really meant was, make sure Jasper has gotten me one.

So here we are, looking like queers in this store. The saleslady keeps batting her tacky nightwalker eyelashes at me and want to puke. She playfully flips her brassy blonde-from-a-bottle hair over her shoulder and giggles while Emmett compares two different flower looking things. Jasper snickers and fake eyelashes runs her hand up my arm. "Can I help you with _anything_?" She probably thinks she sounds sexy but she just sounds like she's had a few two many Vodka shots.

"I need a corsage for my _girlfriend._" I emphasise the word. "I've been told to get her white or light blue." Saleslady scoffs before thrusting several blue and one white thing at me. I pick the white one because it reminds me of Bella; pure and innocent and virginal and just Bella. Emmett and Jazz seem to have made a decision too, so we get out of the store, hopefully to never return again.

I go against Alice's wishes and call Bella when I'm safely back home and in my bedroom. She answers on three rings. "E?" she whispers

"It's me, love," I say. "How goes the Alice induced torture?"

Before Bella can answer my question, I hear a scuffle and then a high-pitched giggled I recognise as belonging to my sister. She picks up the phone and informs me that Bella is "too busy to talk to you," then hangs up on me. I guess i'll have to wait until tonight to talk to her.

The boys are waiting downstairs at my place and we watch some tv, play some xbox and then just mellow the day away until five when we throw on our suits. Then it's just the wait for the girls to arrive.

Esme fusses around in the kitchen making finger foods and then the Asshat Doctor arrives home. Shortly thereafter, I peer out the window and see the Police cruiser pulling into the drive. Charlie. I haven't seen the man since before I professed my love for his daughter to her and Bella has said he knows about us. This should be interesting.

"Edward," Charlie greets me and he's actually smiling. Maybe he still does like me. "Don't worry, I didn't bring my gun," he chuckles, seemingly read my mind. From then on it's easy, Jasper and Rose's parents arrive and then finally, finally the limo slowly comes into view of the house.


	11. Beauty

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters. I'd like some undies with Edward's face on them, however.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**Previously**: Edward finally tells Bela he loves her and she loves him back. He then takes her to the meadow.

**A/N: **I'm so so so sorry it took aaaaages to update. My stupid fucking computer decided to die in the arse. That was a week ago, but since then I have no excuse other than being a lazy shit. If it's some condolence, this chapter is the longest of the story. Final Chapter yay :)

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**BEAUTY**

Bella at the prom was so fucking beautiful. She looked beyond words in a beautiful blue long dress and she was beaming the whole night. I swear I never saw that smile leave her amazing face. She looked as beautiful as she does when she sleeps – like she is right now, in my arms. I sigh and roll over and turn the light off. Bella in my arms is definitely the perfect ending to the perfect day.

My mind drifts back to the night in my dreams; Bella awkwardly letting herself out of the limosuine in those death-trap shoes that Alice forced her into. Her brown hair shiny and curly and just all over sexy like the rest of her is. Her plump lips with a light pink tint, taunting me all the more.

She threw herself into my arms as soon as she walked through the door of my house; ignoring all others. She feathered butterfly kisses all over my face and neck and then my hands and breathed that she missed me. I told her I missed her too and took her face in my hands and kissed her with everything I had. I didn't care that Charlie and Carlisle and Esme were standing by, watching. In fact, it motivated me even more. It was like saying _"You can't break us"_.

She looked so beautiful. Even Charlie overcame his emotional-avoiding issues to tell her that. My mother whispered in my ear that Bella was "perfect," and that she was glad we "finally woke up and realised what everyone else had known all along." Carlisle – now that fucker, I kept at bay. I gave him a few smug glances that said _"fuck you, I love her,"_ but apart from that, barely acknowledged his presence.

Alice and Rosalie were in a photo-taking frenzy and poor Jazz and Em got stuck in the middle. I was thankful my girl wasn't like them. Instead, we sat on my back terrace. Bella sipped on chardonnay, while I had a coke. My mother wasn't going to let me have any alcohol, but I wasn't really complaining. I didn't need it with my Bella high anyway.

The function centre where the prom was held was pretty nice by Forks standards too. Of course, there were cheezy balloons and sponged-blue photo backgrounds, but it wouldn't be prom without all that shit. I also convinced Bella to dance with me. "No, Edward," she had protested at first with a growl. She looked too fucking cute when she was trying to be defiant.

"Yes, Bella," I'd retorted. "It's all in the leading." With that, I lifted her up and set her feet on top of mine.

We didn't move from the dance floor until it was time to go.

I was in my happy-Bella-bubble.

I awake and glance at the clock which reads 10am. Bella begins to stir beside me . Unlike the majority of our grade, however, she wont be waking up with any post-coital glow or anger or tears or whatever the hell reaction people have. Not that she didn't push it last night. She'd ground herself into me and then I yawned, feigning tiredness. In reality, I had all of the post-graduation festivies planned. I respect her enough to not just spread her legs at any time because she's willing.

Bella yawns beside me and then rubs her eyes. I run my hand through her silky hair and she looks up at me, still fucking beaming.

"Hey," she sighs. "Did you sleep well?"

"I always do with you by my side," I respond. Bella giggles and then plants a light kiss on my cheek before jumping up from the bed. She's wearing only some black lacy panties and my shirt from last night. It'd be so easy to drag her back to bed and bend.....Before I can continue that though, Bella twirls around and looks at me. "Whatchu thinking about?" She probes.

"You," I reply honestly.

"What specifically about _me_?"

"Graduation."

"Me too." She giggles and turns towards the bathroom. I'm always thinking about graduation. I'm worried and excited and a whole lot of shit keeps going through my head. I feel like a girl, but it's kind of a fucking big deal. Sex is something i've done with girls and it's meant absolutely nothing to me. It's not something I used to associate with love, just as a means of getting off.

Until Bella, that is.

But then what if it is the same? Then what?

I can't think about that shit though because I love Bella. So I don't, I force it to the back of my mind like I do with all my other problems. I have a nonsensical tendancy to avoid confronting my personal demons.

When Bella walks back from the bathroom, her hair wet, I realise i've probably been mind-whining to myself for quite a while and probably should've seen if she wanted me to join her in the shower. Too late now. She doesn't seem to care, so I jump up from the bed and walk over to the bathroom so I can have a shower myself.

***

The weeks easily move along and suddenly, graduation is tomorrow. That's pretty effin scary.

The education system is all I can remember for so long. Seeing my friends everyday. _Bella. _Class. Being spoon-fed all the bullshit we needed to pass our exams. All done. Now there's Dartmouth, serious studying but still _Bella_. My room smells like Bella; my pillow smells like her strawberry shampoo. My sheets smell like the freesia scent she seems to just naturally have.

I've even noticed she's keeping a toothbrush in my bathroom. Her purple one sits next to my blue one. She has shampoo here. She hogs the blankets, but doesn't sleep under them. She giggled in her sleep the other day. Her hair even clogs up my sink on occasion, but I can't bring myself to give a fuck because it's all Bella and I love everything Bella. How much I love her is ...indescribable. I just love her.

The idea of making love with my Bella is a somewhat frightening concept. As much as we both want it, how can I truly seperate it from 'fucking'? I've fucked a lot of girls. But this is different. It will hurt her and it'll be emotional and i'm taking away her virginity. What if she were to wake up one day, even while we're in our apartment together in Dartmouth and decide she didn't love me? She regretted it all. Of course, there'd be my own suffering, but I could never endure hers.

The day of graduation, I wake up alone because Charlie got pissy Bella was home less and less so she thought it best to stay there before he got too into 'enforcing the rules'. I shower. I try to change my wild hair with no such luck. I brush my teeth. I spritz some of that smelly stuff Bella complimented on my wrists and neck. I change into whatever Alice has laid out for me, then Alice, Esme, The Doctor and myself load into the Mercedes and head over to the school. As a family because Esme's all in to that perfect family shit. Bloody Facade.

We pull into the parking lot, five cars down from where Charlie's police cruiser has just pulled in. I run down to Bella and she jumps out from the car and run towards me, where I take her in my arms and hug her tightly, effectively lifting her off the ground. She lets out a little squeal of excitement and I let go of her, placing her down. Her father looks about ready to detach my head from my body, but keeps his mouth shut and walks over to my parents. I come from a good family, so I know that soothes him.

"Morning, Chief," I greet him.

"Edward," he says curtly, but he's giving me a look that says I WILL SHOOT YOU IF YOU VIOLATE MY DAUGHTER. He's pretty scary considering the man owns a gun and all.

Our families extend the normal greetings, et cetera, then we hall pack into the school gym. Names are being called, the A's, the B's, the C's, which includes Alice and myself. I'm not overly sentimental, but walking up on the stage feels amazing, like i've actually managed to accomplish something, like i'm not a total perpetual fuck-up. Even Carlisle looks proud, but i'm still pissed at him for doubting mine and Bella's relationship.

The H's come soon, too. Jasper. Rose. Then the M's. Emmett. Finally, the S's.

My Bella walks up the stairs and onto the stage behind Jessica, looking very determined not to fall. She doesn't. My girl walks right up there and collects her diploma, a big grin plastered on her face as she takes in her environment. Then we're all done. Graduated. We now hold that piece of paper we've worked towards for years. Adults. College soon. It's kind of overwhelming.

I'm surprised that I don't see James and Victoria here. Apparently, they failed to acquire the required credits to graduate. Unlucky fuckers. I can't pity them, though. As long as I'm away from people like them, i'll be sweet. And so long as I have Bella by my side, too.

Bella walks towards Charlie, all smiles, so I follow her lead and find Esme and Bitchlisle.

Esme hugs me, "I'm so proud of you." She's glowing. She's happy. It's great. So I hug her back and tell her i'm happy I got my shit together. I thank her for being a great mom, because she really is.

"Son," it's Carlisle. "Good job."

"Thanks," I mumble. I don't really care what he has to say.

"I'm sorry about what I said about you and Bella. It was completely uncalled for. It should've been completely obvious to me how well you fit together."

He actually admitted he was wrong? Well throw me down and fuck me side ways.

"Thanks, Dad," I say. "I appreciate that." He offers me a hug and then Bella is walking over to us with Charlie. She hugs my mom and father, both of whom look upon her with glowing expressions. I figure Carlisle actually means what he says. I do appreciate it. Bella and I part ways, both of us going home for a meal with our families.

I'm nervous as I'm waiting to go pick Bella up. I have condoms. I have something for us to eat. I have the keys for the place we're staying. I have everything i'll need, i'm sure. It still can't stop the nerves. It can't stop me from being plagued with doubt. I need Bella, she calms me except this time she's the reason i'm nervous.

It's five to five and I told Bella i'd be at her place at five, so now I know I have to leave. I grab my stuff for the night and walk slowly out to the Volvo. Thanks to the clouds, it's dark in Forks. I refuse to think of that as a bad sign, however. It reassures me things are right, because everything is consistent in Forks. The weather, the gloom....therefore, everything with Bella and I should be fine, right?

Bella is waiting outside when I arrive at hers, for which i'm very thankful. I really wasn't looking forward to any awkward conversations with Charlie. She runs towards my car and doesn't wait for me to get out and open her door for her, she just eagerly slides in. She's smiling a huge smile and giggling and she grabs my hand as I drive out of her street.

"I love you," she says. I tell her I love her, too.

She asks where we're going. Always so curious. "Curiosity killed the cat," I say and she pouts. She grabs my thigh and stares out the window for the rest of the journey. When I lead us into the national park, she raises her eybrows at her surroundings and throws me a questioning glance. I smile and say nothing.

"Isn't this illegal?" She questions.

"No," I tell her, "not if you own a bit of the land in here."

We continue down a dirt road until finally, the turn off for our destination is approaching. I pull the car over and grab our small amount of luggage from the car and then I take Bella's hand and lead her down a grassy path. I know she can hear the water running because I can. It's pretty exciting to be sharing this with her.

We reach the bank of the river and Bella looks worried. "Are we camping?" she asks, to which I laugh.

"No, but if you come just down here there's a boat," I tell her.

I lead her further down the path until we reach a little dingy which is tied up to a post. I load Bella and our luggage into it and we cruise around the corner for a few minutes until we reach our destination; Isle Esme.

It's not an actual island, of course. Well it kind of is. It's a free standing piece of land in between the two banks which holds a small cabin. My father built it for my mom, I tell Bella and she sighs. "It's beautiful, Edward. So incredibly perfect. Thank you for bringing me here and sharing this with me."

I tie the boat up and then unlock the cabin, taking mine and Bella's stuff with me while she dances around the cabin and examining each of the rooms; two bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom and dining/sitting room. Not a lot, but still it's perfect. I like the life I live, it's spoiled and luxurious, but sometimes I think about living here with my girl. Living off the land, making love. That would be the life. If only life wouldn't continue to move around us.

When Bella locates the master bedroom, she sits down on the middle of the bed, nervously playing with the duvet and I notice that her hand is shaking. "This is really sweet, Edward," she says.

"You deserve the best," I tell her while I try to think of a way to make her relax.

I approach the bed and sit down on the edge beside her. She's still shaking, so I take her hand and pretend not to to notice.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," she murmers. "I'm a bit nervous."

"You don't need to be."

"What if....I mean what if I'm bad at this, if I do something wrong?"

"You won't be. You'll be fine, but if you are this nervous then i'm fine with not doing it. I'm with you because I love you, Bella. Nothing will change that."

"I really want to do this with you, Edward," she sighs.

"Don't feel that you _have_ to, okay?" I let go her hand and wrap my arm around her shoulders. "How about I make us some dinner and then we'll just see how the night progresses?"

"Okay," she says as she takes my hand and I lift her from the bed.

We make pizzas together and sit down at the dining room table, before moving to the couch and putting the TV on. Bella suggests a movie and I tell her, whatever she wants, we'll do. She browses through the titles on the shelf before deciding on Romeo and Juliet which i'm sure she's done just to torment me, but if it helps take off the edge for her, then i'll endure it.

And I do.

The whole fucking movie with it's crazy talking and Leonardo DiCaprio and guns instead of swords and Hawaiian shirts, I take it all. Bella loves this movie, she informs me. She giggles at the scowl on my face so I tickle her ferosciously. I'm stronger, she can't get away. She laughs and kicks at me before I relent and pick her up from the couch, carrying her to the bedroom. I've momentarily forgotten why we're at this cabin, forgotten that this isn't just something fun for Bella and I.

Maybe that's a good thing.

Bella looks more relaxed than before as I lower her to the bed. Her eyes are wide, but they don't seem hesitant or nervous anymore. I can only hear our breathing and the noise of me falling onto the bed beside her. I pull Bella into me and lightly press my lips to hers. She reponds by moving her hands to my chest and eagerly continuing the kiss. I run my hands up and down her arms, while she moves her hands to my hair.

"Edward," she moans. "Please. I want to."

Okay, shit. Keep it together.

I continue to kiss her, because i'm not done with her lips yet, but eventually she forces me away so she can pull off her shirt, revealing her black lace bra. Her chest is heaving, her breasts rising and falling. "I love you," I whisper before resuming the kiss. I moved my hand down to lighly cup Bella's clothed breast and felt her breath hitch against my lips.

"Edward," she murmers, pulling away from my lips. "You have too many clothes on."

I chuckle before leaning back so Bella can attack the buttons on my shirt. In her haste, she fails to actually undo any of them and becomes frustrated, so I take hold of her wrists and move them to her sides before easily undoing my shirt myself.

Bella runs her hands up and down my chest, lightly nipping at my neck before descending to kiss at my bellybutton, then stopping at the buckle of my pants. "Edward," she murmers again. "Still too many clothes." A soft giggle falls from her plump lips as she fiddles with the buckle. "Off, please."

I laugh at her demand, but jump up from the bed and comply.

Bella pulls her own jeans off. I wanted to do that, but she's standing before me in black lace so I kind of forget about anything else. "Stunning," I say. Bella walks backwards until the back of her knees hit the edge of the bed and she easily falls backwards onto it. I proceed towards her, in nothing but my boxer-briefs and position myself on top of her, resting on my arms so as to not put any of my weight on her.

She woves her little hands in my hair and kisses me like i'm her oxygen and my body responds because I know what's going to happen next. I know Bella can feel it too because she moves her hips up to create some friction against my hardened Edward-junior.

"Edward," Bella pants. "I need you. Inside of me."

I let go of her breast and look down at her heaving form, "you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything."

I tell her it may hurt, but that doesn't deter her. She continues to scratch at my chest and nip at my neck, whilst our hips move together continuing to make that beautiful friction before latching her lips onto mine. I'm determined to make her feel pleasure before what is inevitably going to be somewhat awkward and painful.

I allow my lips to leave hers, trailing down her neck to her breasts. I take one of her pert nipples into my mouth, then make quick work of the bra and throw it off with some assistance from a very eager Bella. I run one of my hands down her chest, over her stomach and then finally; let it lie at the juncture between her thighs. She eagerly arches into me, allowing me to remove her panties easily and I move my head to suck her freed breast once again, swirling my tongue over her nipple.

I run my fingers along her slick folds before groaning, "You're so wet for me, baby." She moans incoherently as I spread the wetness of her sex around and gently rub two of my fingers on her clit. She reponds by moaning and moving her hands to tightly yank at my hair. Thats one way I know she's enjoying something; hair pulling. I change the position of my fingers so my thumb is working at Bella's clit, earning a throaty moan from her.

"Edward, Edward, Edward." It's like a chant as I slowly push two fingers into her core.

I continue my ministrations on her folds, whilst teasing her breasts with my tongue and I can feel her clenching around my fingers. She's close. I work at her clit quickly whilst thrusting my fingers in and out of her entrance while she begins to shake underneath me. "Ed....a....ward!" She cries. "Aaaaaaahhhhh."

She drops her head back down and exhales loudly and I flop down on the bed beside her while she catches her breath.

After allowing Bella a few moments to recover, I turn and move on top of her and we both know it; _this is it._

I snatch a condom from the drawer and settle myself between Bella's legs and take a hold of myself to guide me towards her warm folds, lightly grazing my tip across them before slowly pushing in slightly. "It's alright," Bella encourages, so I move inside of her further. And it feels fucking amazing already. Warm. Tight. Wet. Bella. And i'm only half way in. I push my entire length into Bella and then look down at her to determine her reaction.

Her eyes are shut tightly and her mouth is slightly parted. Pain.

"I just need a moment to adjust."

I kiss her forehead lightly, stroke her hair and she asks me to move. I slowly pull back, then move forward again cautiously. "It's fine, Edward. Go faster."

Slowly and gently, I begin moving inside of her. It's hard to maintain the slow pace 'cause it feels so fucking amazing, but I don't want to inflict any unneccesary pain on my beautiful blushing Bella. She begins to relax, but doesn't look to be exactly enjoying it. I know she won't find it overly pleasurable the first time, but I want nothing more than all the good things for her.

She lets out a soft sigh and I can feel her little body moving, her hips rising to meet my thrusts. She still looks a bit uncomfortable, but her expression has softened. "Edward," she moans. "A little bit faster."

I pick up the pace and it feels even better and Bella's moving around and she's letting out little sighs and I know I'm close. It feels too good to last ages. I groan and pump a little harder with encouragement from Bella before pumping my spunk right into her, well, into the condom I should say. "Bella," I groan as I collapse on the bed beside her, exhausted from my intense orgasm.

Bella runs her hands through my hair as I come down from my high.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm good," Bella replies.

"I'm sorry it wasn't as good for you as it was for me."

"It was perfect, just being joined with you. Besides, there's always round two." She smirks then lets out a soft giggle.

"I love you," I tell her.

"Good. Then it's enough. I love you too and nothing else matters."

**THE END**


	12. Epilogue

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Twilight or any characters.

**Summary**: AH/OOC/EPOV: Edward struggles to determine whether or not he should tell his best friend, Bella, that he's in love with her before they graduate, or whether he should just give up on her altogether. However, she has a plan that'll make things very difficult for Edward.

**Okay so I decided to do an epilogue seeing as the ending of the story was quite anti-climactic (literally for Bella). They're in college :) Be warned: it's only short and I probably shuld've just added this on to the end of my last chapter. Hope you enjoyed my story. **

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**EPILOGUE**

"Edward have you seen my white blouse?" Bella calls from the bedroom.

"No, baby," I reply.

"Argh!" She growls loudly and I hear a bang.

"Bella, you're going to be wearing a robe. Does it really matter what you wear underneath?"

"I'm graduating, Edward! You may have a few years to go Mr Medical School, but now is my time to shine. I can't do that in an ugly shirt!"

I chuckle at Bella as she storms around our apartment. She stomps into the lounge room looking the vision of an angel; her brown hair tossled down over her shoulders, light make-up, a simple black skirt and a white bra – she still hasn't found her shirt.

"Wear that blue thing you bought," I suggest. "You look sexy in blue."

"I suppose I can wear that." She bites down on her lip looking all cute before racing back to the bedroom, returning a short time later dressed in a blue shirt.

"Stunning," I say. "I'll get the car out of the garage and meet you out the front."

I take the lift down to the garage and locate my Vanquish before driving out to the front of our apartment complex where Bella is waiting – graduation robe swung over her arm. I fidget nervously with the little box in my pocket, but brush away any nervousness as Bella steps into the car, a big smile adorning her features.

I'm so proud of my Bella; she looks beautiful on stage, graduating with a major in journalism, plus honours too. Charlie and Carlisle sit on either side of me, while my mother is next to my father. All of them have flown down to watch Bella graduate.

"Edward, you better take care of her," Charlie whispers.

"Yes, sir," I reply. "You know I'll do everything I can to give her everything she deserves."

"I know that. Why else would I let you marry my baby girl?" He chuckles beside me while my mother reaches across to give my hand a squeeze. Her and Carlisle have been for this since day one. Carlisle has never once voiced another disagreeance to my plans since that one time, and rightfully so. He loves Bella as a daughter just as he loves me as his son.

We all go out for dinner after the ceremony to celebrate and Bella can't wipe the smile off her face.

I just hope she'll say yes. I'll die if she doesn't.

"Bella, will you come for a walk with me?" I ask her and everyone else at the table knows exactly why i'm asking her to be alone with me. My mother offers me a warm smile and lightly nudges my foot underneath the table.

"Sure."

I take her hand and lead her across the dining room towards the terrace. Having informed the staff of my intentions, they've ensured the terrace is free and completely private. I'm still nervous even though I know this is the right thing to do. I love Bella more than anything and I know everything about her mind and her body. We're perfect for one another. This is the way it's meant to be.

"Are you alright?" Bella asks.

"Never better," I reply honestly as I take her hand and intertwine our fingers.

We walk around the terrace a few times and Bella stops to admire the view over the city.

"Everything is so perfect," she sighs.

"I love you, Bella,"

"I love you, too."

"Bella, you're the greatest person I know and you're smart and funny. Just amazing" I pause and allow myself to look into her eyes which are glowing and wet as if tears are threatening. "I can't think of anyone else who'd I'd rather spend the rest of my life with." I get down on one knee and Bella's tears fall and slowly begin to cascade down my face.

"Isabella, there is a lot of things I can offer you, but the greatest of these will always be my love. Will you offer me the same in return and make me the happiest man of all time? Will you marry me, Bella?" I open the blue velvet box and Bella's eyes widen. _[Link to ring on my profile]_

"Edward," Bella sobs. "Yes. Of course I will marry you!"

I slide the finger gently on Bella's finger before standing up and taking her into my arms. I can feel her tears through the thin fabric of my shirt and I even tear up a little myself. "I love you so much, baby," she whispers into my ear as I spin her around, lifting her feet from the ground.

"I love you, future Mrs Cullen." She giggles and I set her down on her feet. "Our parents know I was planning on asking, but let's tell them you said yes." With that, I pick her up bridal style and carry her back into the restaurant and towards our family.

***

I pull the car into our spot in the garage and then Bella and I ride in the lift together up to our apartment. She still has her eyes on her ring, admiring the white gold band and sparkly heart-cut diamond which Alice and Rose came along with me to help choose. They suggested several, but I'm proud to say they agreed with my choice. It wasn't as ostentasious as some of the rings they had, it was simply beautiful – like Bella.

"It's _so_ beautiful, Edward."

"I'm glad you like it."

"I love it, just as I love you."

I lean forward and wrap my arms lightly around her waist while she moves her hands to thread her fingers through my hair. I gently kiss her before she takes control and licks my bottom lip. I grant her entrance into my mouth and suddenly, our tongues are dancing together a beautiful dance.

Bella moans against my lips as I move my hands to her behind and pull her up against my waist so she can wrap her legs around me. I easily walk us to the bedroom, Bella still wrapped around me and kissing me passionately. She pulls away to breath and I look into her deep brown eyes. She really is the most beautiful woman i've ever seen and she loves me just as I love her.

I gently lower her to the – no, _our_ – bed and she looks beautiful, her hair fanned out around her face, lips slightly swollen from our kisses and slightly parted, while her chest rises and falls. She looks so inviting. I reach down and move a strand of hair out of her face and she moves her face into my touch. I lightly lean down and kiss her forehead, then along her collarbones. She pulls at her shirt and I free her from it's confines so I can gain access to her snow-white skin.

I run my lips from her neck down to her right breast and she arches into me, so I move my hands around to her back to unhook her bra. Her beautiful, full breasts fall out from their cage and invite me and I can't help it, so I kiss them and then I'm lightly sucking on the hardened nipples while Bella lets out little noises of approval.

"Edward," Bella pants. "I need you."

I lightly trail kisses down her flat stomach until I reach the top of her skirt, which I then pull down her legs easily. I move back up her body, throwing my shirt off while Bella claws at my chest and reaches down for my pants. She kisses at my chest and giggles in typical Bella fashion.

"Mhm," she hums before crawling out from under me to move on top of me, where she unbuttons my jeans and shimmies them down my legs. "That's better."

I switch our positions so I'm top and bring my lips down hard on hers and nudge her legs apart with my knee. I pull away from Bella's plump lips and her eyes are smoldering at me. She's never looked more beautiful than with that ring on her finger. "Oh, please. I need you inside of me."

I comply with Bella's demand and make quick work of my boxers, tossing them aside. I tease her a little, running my hardened dick lightly across her folds while she squirms underneath me. She growls in frustration and wraps her legs around me, trying to create some release for herself and i'm only too eager to comply. I gently move closer towards my goal and push my tip inside of her.

"More, more!" She pants, so I push my entire length in and we both groan out in ecstacy at the feeling of us being joined.

I create a slow rhythm, pushing myself as deep into Bella as I can. "More." She chants it over and over.

"Mine," I growl as I lightly nip at her neck.

"Yours," she cries out. "Always yours."

I pick up the pace and drill into her as hard and fast as I can while she pulls at my hair with one hand and scratches my back and chest with the other. "Yes! Edward!" Her hips rise up to match my movements and I watch as her eyes roll backwards into her head.

"Bella."

"Edward!"

"Bella, i'm close," I groan and grab at her breasts and suck at her neck.

"Agh...Me....ahh...ed..wa.." she moans out incoherently. "Fuck!"

Bella bites down on my neck, sending me over to the edge and we climax – _together._

When we come down from the high, we lie together tangled in our sheets trying to catch out breath.

"I love you, Edward," Bella sighs.

"I love you, Mrs Cullen."


End file.
